Monday....
Man, I am tired and still not caught up on my sleep as of yet!! I keep trying but it hasn't happned yet. My weekend was better than planned but I am paying for it now. I feel like I am going to catch the flu or something...
Friday was a good day, I worked until 5:30, went home changed & went to Dustin's (from Yahoo/Hi5) for a few hours. We started w/ Tequila shots when I arrived, then he started cooking dinner. He cooked the most delicious meal--cashew crusted salmon, asparaghus w/sweet orange/lime/creamy sauce; It was fabulous!! We drank lots of tequila and ate very well. He made a fresh salad with feta cheese & balsamic vinegarette dressing. We listened to music all night and had some deep conversations throughout the night about a lot of things. I got a little uncomfortable with his protests on me staying over cause 'I shouldn't drive' but know he really wanted me to stay and
spend the night in his bed with him. Totally, NOT going to happen. He is a good guy but I made a committment to stay away from those type of situations and I am sticking by my word. I am not going to sleep with anyone, just to get some satisfaction or just to please their hormones. We definitely have some things in common, connect on many levels but not all on the ones I want to be. I left his place by 12:15 am and went home straight to bed. We will probably see one another again, maybe under different circumstances.
Saturday was fairly laid back. I woke up around 11am and chilled around the house most of day. I got most of laundry done and did some straightening of house/bedroom I had planned on doing this weekend. Nick & I (Yes Nick) planned to go out to Dixies, so I laid some rules down and see what happens. I was looking forward to my dinner date with Carl (someone else from yahoo). We met at Mexican Restaurant at 7 pm; had good conversation, ate good food and hung out for a while. We drank something after dinner to keep the mood light and fun. He is older as well and has 3 kids from previous marriage. Although a bit more "baggage" I was planing on, but I think we get along well. I was comfortable and at ease with him, nothing awkward or strange about him either. I hope we can hang out again, he seems very sweet, polite and sincere. I left Carl & went over to Sara's for some $$ she owed me and went home to fix myself up to go out wth Nick & friends. We got to Dixies around 10:45 and it was getting pretty packed. We had a couple drinks, and danced inside for a while. It gets soo hot and sweaty in there; small space for hundred of people. I would rather just hang outside, I can dance & drink and not have to worry ablout getting pushed and crowded in. It was a good night for people being out and about, dancing was in full swing and I was happy to be doing what I wanted. Nick acted very sweet/better behavior all night, he was more enjoyable to be around. I had a good time and when his friends arrived, we all danced outside and I was getting everyone in our "group" into dancing with me. Called it a night right at closing and Nick drove me home. Went home, checked emails for a while and went to bed, ALONE!!!
Sunday morning was ok...I got up at 10:30 and knew it was going to be a long day. I woke up with a severe migraine, body aches, upset tummy. I stayed in bed most of day and relaxed mostly. Had some light food & tea...watched little TV and kept sleeping most of day. Didn't call or talk to anyone and kept to myself. I had the house to myself for the day, so once again peace & quiet. Didnt do anything and hung out in my pj's all day...lazy rainy Sunday.
I found out over weekend Sara got pulled over & got a DWI coming back from Stool Pigeons. She was .25 when pulled over by cops and was arrested & in jail for 24 hours. She is going to have a lot more problems now that she got this DWI. She called me Sunday to see if I would pick her up & take her to work Monday & Tuesday. Since she is on the way to & from work I agreed and It is ONLY two days. I don't have to leave too much earlier than usual and I get to drive into work with someone!
So here it is Monday, I'm feeling better but the day is flying by soo quickly. I have spoken with
Tony twice on the phone today and a couple times on IM. He is so good for me, he is sincere, loving, concerned about me & my happiness, spiritual and just a good wholesome man. He is Catholic & goes to Church. I am looking forward to doing things with him, things he enjoys, loves and wants to share with me. I will need to brush up on my cooking skills, they been lacking last couple months but I am getting a better feel for it, with cookbooks to assist me. I am more excited about him coming back to US within 2 weeks and flying directly to Charlotte. He will stay a few days then I will go to his place for the weekend or whatever.
I am just happy we will be together and spending quality time with one another. It is tough to start a "relationship" with someone who is at a distance (out of state) and who's traveled during the time we have been talking. He is definitely in this for a committment and long-term future, which IF I found the RIGHT man, I would be ideally looking for. I havent felt so connected to someone like this, EVER since I started getting online. I never intended on being single for long or not able to be Wife & Mother. As you have read prior to these recent entries, I have NEVER thrown the "L" WORD around easily or freely. I have never been in love or felt deep committment love with anyone in years. I choose my words very carefully and do that as a way to protect myself this time. I have put myself out there too many times, just to get hurt and let down. I haven't felt
true feelings (not Lustful) and I feel my heart does belong with Tony. He is a good person inside & out, he has a way to make me feel special/loved w/a single word or look. I see so much of a future with him, he is stable and has known for a long time what he has wanted in a woman who he wants to share his life. He talks all the time about us starting our life together, when he returns. He knows I won't leave Charlotte now, even though it would be closer for me to visit my family more often, if I decided to live at his place in Maryland. I am so elated that I met someone who is genuine, compassionate, affectionate and honest!!!
LOVE IS IN THE AIR...I sure feel IT within me..... Hope tonight is relaxing and I go to bed early. I know Tony will call me tonight...CAN'T WAIT to hear that voice on the other end of phone.
~~Butterflies fluttering,
~~Calming feeling within
~~Excitement for his arrival...
~~Love is a GREAT THING~~~
IM in LOVE..In LOVE with....TONY!
OK..it sure has been an "interesting" beginning to 2006 and you all have heard tons about men coming in & out of my life over the past few months. BUT putting all that aside, I Know I am IN LOVE with Tony. He is someone special I been keeping a "secret" until now. I wanted to make sure I wasn't jumping the gun or wanting it so bad, I couldn't see straight. But I know for sure, HE is IT!!
I mean, I feel butterflies fluttering in my stomach when I talk about him & see him, get all dis-orientated when he calls everyday and have been smiling ever since we met. I honestly feel I truly found someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with, forever, and he is my equal in every sense of that word! I know, I have been saying this about other men I had been meeting, BUT Tony is different. Being older and more mature, he is more focused, determined 2 be successful and has a good head on his shoulders. I am not trying to be superifical but he is VERY handsome, intelligent, worldly(traveling/living in London & Switzerland), established in his career/life, never been married & has no kids. Once he gets settled from traveling, we will start planning his move from Maryland, as long as things go well with us in the next few months and start our life here "together". We are making plans for a future together & feelings are building stronger everyday and I am not scraed or frightened by how I feel about Tony. He has completely blown me away by his honesty/thoughtfulness, ways he makes me feel when we are together, and I've given him a renewed feeling that "Love at First Sight" does exist. I feel 100% comfortable with any decision we make together. He is the miracle I have been wishing for, for a long time. He talks about having kids (3) and starting a family, though he knows things take time but if the connection is there, I am all for it. It is something I have wanted for a LONG time, loving partner and children to fulfill my life dreams. I am sick of being played and used and walked all over...it is not my style to accept those things. Granted, there are some things that need to be worked out BEFORE the move & arrangements are made, most importantly, my divorce to be finalized (May is not too far away) and get that all worked out. I figure if I can be happy and truly have a commitment w/ someone, I will go for it and not look back. I haven't felt such feelings for a man in a VERY long time..I mean we are talking about 4 1/2 yrs.
I know this is love, I've been there before, so I know what is about. It is goes way beyond lust or "raging hormones". We havent taken this to that level and HE is willing to wait until I am ready. I see his picture when we are online & my knees get weak, I hear his voice and my heart flutters wildly; his arms around me at night just makes my body melt into his. He is a bit older (35 y/o) & we met through Date.com a few months ago. I think the older mature man is what I need, no games or players here. We have talked for hours about anything & everything. He is currently in the UK getting some business settled (inheritance $$) and will be back within 2 weeks. I will either spend a few days @ his place in Maryland or he will come & stay in Charlotte, depending on how much time I have off from work when he returns home. I am just looking forward to spending time with him and being with someone who knows how to love and feel for someone else beside themselves.
I know, I have been "in love" before but NOTHING quite like this..EVER!!! Someone I cannot stop thinking about 24/7, wake up & go to bed at night with him in my thoughts/dreams. I mean, I would drop anything & everything to be with him. We would do anything for each other. On top of everything, he is romantic, thoughtful, and just someone that when he smiles, I smile more, I feel like I am on cloud 9. I found the man I was supposed to be with me forever!! ):0~~ I think we can definitely be something special and long lasting. I mean, people meet anywhere these days and we hit it off like peanut butter & jelly. Tony & I mesh so well and have such a deep connection, beyond words. He is gentle and is the calm I needed so badly in my life filled with chaos & confusion. He has so much love to give and share with me. I look into his eyes and I see a future so bright, it makes me feel like everything I ever wanted in my life is standing right in front of me. I feel deep in my heart, this man is the ONE for me, he knows me inside & out and wants to provide me with a life I couldn't have with Ben. He is stable, hardworking, motivated and very much a down to earth guy; he is not materialistic, superficial or judgmental. He has a great personality, sense of humor and values/morals in life. He is professional and runs his own business in Maryland; but he is willing to do whatever it takes to be together...as long as it takes.
I know he feels the same, he tells me everyday. He is happy for my success in finding a good job and knows this job was exactly what I needed in my life to make it better for myself.
Well I guess I am done "gloating"...I just am so happy and feeling like I am truly getting what I want in life..love, career, stability and dreams coming true...
Hello...Can We Be Any Further From Friday?
Good morning everyone...Well last night did not quite go as I had originally planned. On my way home I was talking w/ Dustin (someone I had been talking to online for a few months) when Nick called in & so I answered. He informed me that his friend Justin had a ticket for me to attend the WWE RAW at Bobcats arena later that nt. Needless to say, I was excited and happily told him I'd go. We wouldn't be sitting together so I wasn't going to have to deal with him much, after the whole email thing yesterday and cutting off our blooming relationship. I went home, ate some dinner, changed and quickly left to go Uptown. I arrived and met Justin to get the tickets, I had to meet someone else to give them the other ticket that was available. I totally enjoyed the show, it was exciting and DAMN, had the seats I had always wanted!!! I was one section away from the main stage/arena. I got to see: Kane, Big Show, Trish Stratus, Edge w/ Lita, Cena, Materpiece, Carlito and of course...Nature Boy Rick Flair---I went wild. I shouted & woooooo'd all night. It was the best seat I have EVER had for a show & it well worth it but ever since last weekend I been struggling to get my voice back, so last night didn't help at all.I got home right at 11:45 and was in bed at 12am; the house was quiet and the DOG didn't even bark at all. I was thrilled I slept so soundly and hit the snooze button until 7:05 am, which is late for me. But I arrived to work the same time so I was glad. My tattoo is doing well and healing, it is now in the stage of peeling/scabbing so it is kinda funky looking but DAMN it is BEAUTIFUL. Everyone who has seen it, says it looks great and I am so happy with it. I know once summer comes along, it will definetly be in full view with the tops I wear.Well I am definetly looking forward to going home today, making a cheesesteak sandwhich and watch some 'American Idol' and go to bed nice and early. Every since last Thursday I have not gone to bed before 1am, so I definetly need to catch up on some zzz's again. This weekend will be very chill, I will not be going out partying. I just want to relax, watch movies and clean house. I know we will have her daughter so I like to stay in and not go out alot when she is home. Besides, this week is an off week for a paycheck BUT I cant wait to see what y 1st paycheck will look like on the 31st!!!Have a great day...laters
It is Monday...WhooHoo
Today would be better if 1. The Panther's WON the Game and 2. I didnt have to give Nick the "pink slip". I mean damn, could he be anymore clingy ??? I mean we discussed not texting me so much, he still does it, constantly. I tell him I will call when I get home at night (when I go out with my friends) but I get at least 4 calls before I walk in the door....Saturday night, I agreed to go out with Nick and two of my friends & meet his other friends at Dixies. As soon as we get in the car, my roomie is blabbing out about her "sex" filled saturday morning...Nick sat there laughing and taking it all in. We laughed and go prepped for the night by listening to dance music. SO we get to Dixies and Nick is just all up on my shit. I mean, give me room to breath and dance..for cryin out loud!So we proceeded to order our 1st round and the place is getting packed. Men & women dancing & moving around, I could feel Nick's hands around my waist and his eyes watching me the whole night. Not my idea of having fun, ya now?I tried to make the best of it, smiled and tried to give myself some room to do my thing. I mean it wasnt a "date" it was us hanging out with friends, we weren't supposed to have this boyfriend/girlfriend thing going on YET. Guys made their attmepts to start dancing around me, Nick wasnt liking that too much! We made out way in & out around the bar and he was up my ass. I tried to get away from him for a few w/ the ladies d he was chasing us around like a lil puppy. His friends are pretty cool and when Nick went to bar to get himself some beer, I was dancing and grooving with Justin & Pete. His friends are way more laid back and all; I think Nick is just insecure cause as he puts it, "Im hot and he is not!" He needs to let it go and get on with it. I honestly, can see myself with Justin more than Nick anyday! I enjoy Justin & he isnt soo damn weird and dorky. He is laid back, funny, affectionat but not clingy. But I did end up putting smiles on their faces, by dancing & hanging with them outside under tent. They are all impressed with me and how great of a woman I am. Needless to say, I made sure I had fun and enjoyed myself.Once the bar was closing, we were all exhausted from dancing & trying to talk over all the music, but decided to go to Waffle House for some breakfast. We ate some food and laughed some more.SO there we were, only threee of us, eating at 3am at the hole in wall Waffle House...first time for me to do that after out partying all night. But anyway, Nick drove us home, I kissed him briefly on my way to the door. I just was so sick of his bullshit that night. I mean, we had this long talk last week about his clingy/controlling behavior and a week later he is back to it. I mean I am just not comfortable with him at all and just feel better off without him.I just felt so tired Sunday (not much sleep past two days cause of dog) so I stayed home being lazy & relaxing most of day, doing a lot of nothing. Roommie had to work all weekend and so I had house & dog to myself. To say the least, I am so done putting up with his barking! He barked all through the weekend, keeping me up for almost all night. I normally can deal with it but this weekend he wouldn't shut up at all. I am so sick of that dog!!Anyway I did make my way to Stools for the games in late afternoon & I sure did get a good buzz going on. Nat & Jon & Ghost bought me a bunch of Yagerbombs and I had a blast. Ate some good food too and had myself a good time...I never have a bad time at Stools whenever I go there. I met up with Chrissy, Denise, Summer, Jessica, Sean and Ian. We watched the pitiful Panter game and boy, what a disappointment!! Glad to see the Steelers going to Superbowl; though too bad it wouldnt be against the Panthers...boo hoo. I was so ill from watching it I left to go home early so I could go to bed early. I got home changed, cleaned up & washed my new tattoo and as soon as I laid my head on pillow, barking...constant, loud, screeching!!! I barely feel like I slept all night, all i kept hearing was that freaking dog...what the fuck??!!!! Roommate has no problme sleeping thru it but it bothers the hell out of me. Buddy kept waking me up every hour it seemed so TODAY I am exhausted and anxious to get home to eat dinner & go to bed. I need a good night's sleep and with this dog, it isnt happening. I just want to go home & the dog wont be there...wishful thinking.Well I have dropped Nick a nice "Dear John" email this morning and kinda anxious to see how he responds when he gets it. I think he had plans for us, too bad I am not wanting anmy part of it, if this is WHAT I have to deal with. Not worth it at all...he is just my kind of guy, afterall. He blew it and I am over it.Well bye for now...time to grab some lunch...see what this afternoon will bring!!Wish the weather would get better
Splish Splash Saturday
Yuck! 1st day of weekend & I wake up to rain & dreary skies. I was hoping it would of been sunny and warm..damn, just my luck. Well this week has sure been interesting BUT it did end quite nicely. I decided to add to my body art and got another tattoo. Yes, this will be my 7th one so far and one of the best ones I have! I had dinner with Nick at Tsing Tao after work and then we drove over to Cosmic Tattoo off Monroe Rd to see Emily, my tattoo artist. She is the one who did my cover-up of "Ben" on my lower back with lotus flower and tribal design. It is the best piece I have on my body and was happy with it, so NOW I am strictly going back to Cosmic! So anyway, I decided to get this beautiful blue/white butterfly w/delicate tribal designs above & around it. It is placed in middle of my upper back, in between shoulder blades. It is wild and incredibly beautiful & unique like me...hehe. I had it done within an hour and it didn't really feel all that bad. I had some moments of intense stinging but she has a gentle hand it couldn't of been any worse. Nick watched the whole time and even took candid pics on his phone of my extreme "oooouch" faces while sitting in the chair. My roommate met us up there around 8:30 and we both decided to go to Stools to have a drink and meet some of my usual crowd. We ended meeting a couple guys and followed them to Big Al's for darts, drinks, pool and fun times. We closed the place down and we returned to Stools where I stayed and she went home..with company,...GO GIRL!!! I hung out with Ian, Pete, Joe, Chrissy, Amanda and a few other people I knew until closing then went home. I walked in the house to some "bedroom romping" and a barking dog...he wouldn't shut the fuck up and so I let him outside for a few, turned on the country music station, put blanket on his crate and went up to my room. I was anxious to wash my tattoo but since someone was preoccupied I cleaned it the best I could and TRIED to go to sleep.. The dog kept barking and I was wired from the Yagerbombs I did earlier, seemed like forever before I finally fell asleep.Needless to say I have the house to myself today and I am going to lay down and catch some zz's before roomie gets home from work and prep to head out for the night. Nick is picking us up and taking us to Dixies to meet a few of his friends. I met Justin last Saturday night but tonight there will be a group of guys with us, which will be nice for us... I plan to definitely get a little "drinky drinky" on and dance my ass off and wear myself out too... I love going up there cause of the music and diverse crowd... It is fun and I usually run into a lot of people who I know or whatever. I am excited and so counting down til we depart for the night to go out.
I pretty much did nothing today..useless some may call it but I rarely have weekends like that, so fuck it! I am resting for my big night. I am a bit concerned Nick will be clingy and all over me tonight at the bar, he was OK last weekend but now that his other group is coming, it may be a little different. I am thrilled I have some other girls coming with me and we can let loose and have some FUN. I am planning to get some SUCK N BLOW jello shots there and some yager bombs, they seem to be my drink of choice lately..strange enough. But anyways I am going to run out & pick up some goodies for the night..Will give the full update tomorrow when we wake up from a night of dancin & hanging out uptown...Bye for now..Goodnight CIAO
Wow, Almost the Weekend
These past two weeks have flown by so quickly and today I am even more at peace. I havent' even thought about
checking out someones blog and it feels great. I have some plans for the weekend (Yipee) and tonight I am going out with some g/f's for some good times at Stool's. Yes, I love going there. I know quite a few people there and I am very comfortable
I was invited to my ex-roommates house for Sunday football games and I might just go for a while. There should be quite a few people there and some new faces. The big deal is my date with Nick saturday night. We had a blast last weekend so I have no doubt with more people coming with us, the more fun we will have too.
My worklife is great, AWESOME pay, I stay busy during the day, and leave by 5:30 so I can be home at a decent hour. I hate dealing w/ the traffic and chaos that occurs when 4pm rolls around and people scurry home to their families. I wish I had a family to go home to, I guess I do in actuality but not MY family. I know I am destined to be a loving & wonderful wife & one day a mom. I have such gentle, caring and devoted attributes someone will fall in love with. I can be nurturing and sincere, peaceful and calm. I know there is so much more to life than sitting around fighting over little things. I have been reading a good book my mom gave me and I feel inspired to stay positive thru the darkest of days and stay focused on my real goals in life. Granted, going back to school isnt one of them but I can succeed at whatever I put my mind to.
I have a coffee date after work and then off with the girls. I have lots of fun meeting new people and listening to their stories about their lives. People watching is a lot of fun for me and I do it often. Besides blogging and being a role model for the littel girl at home,I enjoy lots of fun things. I like to read, listen to music, play Spades, go to amusement parks, long drives to mountains or beach, filling out Mad Libs (remember those from grade school??) , dancing, playing boardgames & etc and just laughing. It keeps me feeling grounded and a smile always makes someone else smile back.
I am a good person heart and soul, I feel I may have jumped to conclusions about my ex's new girlfriend and that wasn't fair at all. I took every once of anger & resentment I had towards him and focused on her. When all in all, I shouldn't of been concerned with anyting to do with their relationship to begin with! I gave him the upper hand in all of this and that bothers me!! I am still mad over the fact he has my name written in his blogg entries and feel IT ISNT RIGHT.
Since September, I've been dating & having the time of my life. Recently, decided sleeping with as many men as I had was NOT the smartest thing for me to do and have chosen to stay away from sexual behavior until I fully prepared to deal with the consequences. I have been doing alot of things I never did before when I was married and in the process of planning a Caribbean cruise with my g/f. We are going in the summer and I cannot wait. It will be a week of good times and fun for SURE.
Anyway, just need to get some things off my chest and boy I feel great....Friday cannot come quick enough even though my day is almost over already...Tata
Woonderful Wednesday
Last night went well and I got home early enough so I can get up and go to work today. I awoke w/ a feeling of relief, peace & pure happiness. I don't even know why I forced myself to read
his blog all this time, it ended up hurting my feelings & just leaving me feeling more bitter, BUT I am no longer interested in
his blogg or life anymore!!
I have someone new in my life, Nick, and he makes my heart go pitter pat. He is so polite, understanding, thoughtful, romantic, and very personable/outgoing. With the high goals he sets for himself and motivation, he will run again next fall for City Council and hopefully win!! Weirdly enough, I am NOT political at
all and he is a conservative republican. Unfortunately, he didn't win this time but it was his first attempt. Nick comes from a good & stable background. His father is a Dr & his mom works for Investment Banker. He is very educated, interested more than any other man I've known in Politics and working to make a better life for himself. We talk so much about the future & goals. Granted, he is almost 4 yrs younger than me but he is mature and down to earth, I feel we are equals. I am certainly looking forward to going out with him Saturday to go dancing & taking my roomie along to meet his friends. We will dance all night, have some drinks and socialize. He cannot wait for me to meet his friends. He doesn't lie, deceive or make fun of me, at my expense. He truly cares for me. We have such a good connection, we have been talking for over 5 months on Yahoo IM so we pretty much know a lot about each other.
He knows things I have been doing in my spare time (with other men/drinking) and he accepts me, he doesn't judge me for any mistakes I made. He knows I am going thru a divorce and things take time; he has said he has waited this long to be with me, he can wait longer. He is big & strong, has strong family values/morals, drug-free, intelligent. We are waiting to see what will happen with us and take our time and not rush into things too soon. I have jumped around so much lately, I truly feel I need a break some all the drama & bullshit in my life. I need to let things go and don't get so hung up on the little stuff.
I feel 2006 has already been about BIG changes and since working for a stable & growing company, I will always put my best foot forward & work my hardest to make better for myself. I know with this company, I can grow and develop other skills to advance myself. I truly feel like my life is falling into place and I'm happy with the direction it is heading. If I can get some kind of nest-egg put aside so I can get my own place in a yr or so...that would be my true dream:0)~~~ I can see myself being in my own place in a yr & having all who have brought me down & out----- OUT of my life for GOOD.
As I look toward my future, it is bright and glowing. I know if I can get past all this right now, I will set for the rest of my life....Just smile and let it all go!!!
I have been speaking a lot with Ben (my ex-husband) since our filing for Divorce date is coon coming (May 4th). I have been mentioning selling the house, since he can't afford to live there. He refuses to sell the house, I think it has to do with giving up something we had together... but as I see it, he can't sell it or do anything with it unless I sign over the deed to him, which has not been done. He says he's willing to let things me go and cut "his losses" and grant me a "non-contested" divorce, which is a sigh of relief. I am anticipating a glitch sometime between now & then but I am staying hopeful. I am over him and all his immature behaviors, wanto nothing to do with him once divorce is final. Ben has nothing to offer any woman and I only see him being a
lonely old man, all by himself. He doesn't even take care of the bare necessities of the house OR himself! He seriously needs to stop mooping around and get motivated to live his life alone & be surrounded by people who are clean and sober.
Going for now..will update you soon...Bye
Twisted Tuesday
Good evening folks....It's your "140lbs of bitchy & sluttish" beauty here...LOL... YEA---all of this being SOOOO far from the truth. Anyways, THIS IS finally the end of my tirades and banterings about the ex-boyfriend Matt and his girlfriend, Alecia. It is so past pathetic how they respond to the truth being thrown in their face, there is truly
nothing more to say. I am honestly ready to move on & focus on Important things in my life!! If he continues the name calling & slandering I will be forced to retaliate but until then...And I dont forsee any reason to continue reading his blogg...ITS OVER... FOR GOOD
FYO>>>I am on his "list" which means he would not piss on me if I was on fire, if he saw me he would prob spit on me and he will do anything he can to make my life miserable. NOW can we say, B-I-T-T-E-R??? I don't feel compelled to keep talking about him any longer... It isnt worth all the energy, admittingly, I should of stopped LONG time ago...
Today was a great day & nothing is going to change that, I have a 3rd date with Nick and dinner is on the agenda. Nothing fancy, something simple and casual. I am looking forward to seeing him and talking with him more. He sees me as being so beautiful and attractive, and makes me feel like nothing else matters when we are together. But I realize this is VERY new in the "friendship" so I will not jump the gun on this one. He has some good qualities, but know soon I will see the REAL Nick. He seems to be a gentleman and sincerely hoping things can only get better for us. We will be going out uptown again this weekend with my roomie this weekend, dancing and tearing it up! He also is trying his hardest to get me a tix for the WWE show this Monday, that would be fun to go & see. Its been a few yrs since I been to a LIVE show and since it is at the NEW Bobcats Arena, it will be a blast! He has gotten us tickets for the upcoming UNCC game. We discussed his excessive clingyness and he will make every effort to calm down, he is just excited about meeting me and he is overwhelmed with feelings as well.
So tonight went well and here I am geting ready to go out with some friends to Stools for some socializing...fun times.. Talk to you again...PROMISE NO MENTION OF the ex AGAIN...ITS DONE>>>Exiled from my thoughts & mind...
Moving Along MONDAY
Lets be
honest and I am
really wanting feedback on this. After reading my BLOG entries about my life in the past few months, Do YOU ALL think I am still in love with
Matt? Come on, let me know. We went our separate ways about 5 months ago, I paid his cell bill as agreed until December (even when we were no longer together & weren't talking for months) and we havent even spoken a word to one another for about that long too.
YES I do read his blog weekly but does that mean I still love or want him? I don't think so, curious at best!! Well, I commented on his entry from last week & his
now girlfriend, Alecia, commented back at me. Well I put her is such a tissy, she went off with name calling and etc...Anything I had commented on his blog, has been all true. If he denies it, then he is fucking dillusional. Granted, IF she reads the damn blog of his, she is gonna read some shit about anyting & everything in his life, including how great she gives BJ's..whooo for her---be proud of that! How DOES it make you feel when he plasters your name all over it with details of how awesome you are sexually??? Does that give you prides do you realize he has DONE that with all the women he slept with, so far??? If you were so different to Matt why would he continue the same ol' shit with you??? She has seen all my pics Matt had taken when we were living together, OK..can we say
weird? I mean why do you want to see all MY pics (feeling a little competitive) & 2nd why does
he still have all my pics and explicit ones at that, still on his computer??? She commented on how I am not pretty or skinny, DID I EVER SAY I was skinny..NO but I am NOT fat either...I am pretty & I do have a petite figure, no questions on that. I have no complaints from anyone who has met me nor have been told I 'm ugly/ nasty or gross!!!
Anyways she went on a tirade on how I am bitch and need to straighten out my life, blah blah blah, I got quite a laugh and it made my morning! I think the only reason he is with her is because MATT was lonely/depressed, not getting
any action and his hand wasn't cutting it. His reason for breaking up was because he didnt want to put me at risk of getting "H", so why would he even consider dating another woman who doesn't have it ?? Answer me that. It didn't bother me one bit that Matt im'd me this morning telling me to keep commenting to his blogg & adding entries to mine cause he & Alecia get a laugh off it. I actually get satifaction knowing Matt & Alecia read over my comments together and possibly my blogg.; they will certainly get an eyeful...OR mouthful. Remember, I am not the one who has to be
CAREFUL as to when I have sex...it is a great thing too.
Anyways, getting back to
my weekend. It was surprisingly eventful. I hung out most of Saturday around the house, getting more excited about my date as each hour passed. Later that night, Nick picked me up at the house, in his arms a red long stem rose and a teddy bear! I was smiling ear to ear. So we drove up to Dixies' and began our night out on the town. He paid for everythig the whole night, it felt so good to be treated like a queen, and he acted like a REAL gentleman the whole time. We had some drinks, watched the end of Pats vs Broncos game and then the dancing started. We made our way outside under the tent and spent most of night dancing & drinking out there. His friend, Justin, arrived after us and he was quite impressed with me as well. We all danced and talked til closing of bar. I was getting pretty "perky" we will call it & don't think I had danced so much in one night. We enjoyed the variety of music they played and sang along to most. Also saw a few people I see at Stool's up there and we took pics and danced the morning away. Nick proceeded to buy me another rose but when we were not looking, someone snagged it. Nick seemed to have a great time, even when men were bold enough to walk up to me and try to dance with me!!!
Nick is very sweet, affectionate, and protective of me. It makes me feel good though over the weekend he called & texted way too much...funny thing, Matt used to say I did the same thing, so now I am getting mine..hehe! I feel if he just felt confident I was happy & not uncomfortable around him, things would be better for me.Ok, can we say clingy?? So we left Dixies after 2am and made our way back to my house and he walked me to the door. He kissed me sweetly twice then right before I walked in door, he grabbed me & landed a good one on me...kinda blew me away but it was goooood!
I went into bed and slept soo soundly until 10:30 Sunday morning. We all got up and ate some breakfast and got ready to go grocery shopping..Fun times!! We bought all kinds of stuff for the next week or two and then came back home. I made my way to Stools' for the Panther game right at 4:30pm and spent a good part of the night there partying it up w/ the usual gang of people. Men were flocking all around me all night, they bought me all my drinks and I am not going to complain...I was having a good time and my g/f showed up right when Panthers won the game vs Bears. I had a really good buzz going and she joined in the fun we were having. I heard from everyone after the game, Nick, Jason (uptown guy), Bill, David, Mark, and Robin..it was celebrations everywhere for our win ...Now onto Championship Game next week.
Today has been very quiet but I have remained busy with benefit enrollment spreadsheet. I am officially their empployee as ot today and no longer temp. They offered it to me Friday and so here I am finally a great
permanent full time position, making a great salary!
FYI...Matt can kiss my ass, he can take his
lame ass call center job and stick it somewhere. FYI: People who have goals and motivation in life look for something more in life than being a "CSR", making shitty ass money.....DUH..Where are you going to be 5 yrs from now buddy??? I mean, Doesn't it get to you that the past two women you "loved" have made much more money than you and have been more successful??? WOW
...Life is Grand, FOR ME!!
Windy & Cold Saturday
OMG, this has certainly been a week of surpises and great happenings. I have a BIG date tonight..I mean one where he picks you up, go out for dinner & drinks, then dancing uptown. I am soo excited, feel like a kid in FAO Schwartz Toy Store!
I met him about 6 months ago online thru Yahoo Im's but never took the plunge to meet him offline. So this week we met for coffee nearby. He is definetly someone I had longed to meet! I have had my share of losers & uglies thru the online thing but HE's different. He is 26, big build/muscular, 5'7, hazel eyes and dirty blond hair. He is political (ran for lcoal government in Nov 05) and going to school to get his Bachelors' for Business at UNCC. We were instantly into each other, I didnt expect anything less. I made a pact with myself that I am not going to "give in" to raging hormones and I will wait to give anything up w/ this or ANY guy. He is not pushing/rushing for anything soon and that is a good move on his part.
My manager at AMWINS offered me the permanent job with their company, starting Monday 1/16. I will start out at the same rate pay I am at now plus 3 weeks paid time off, 10 paid holidays, great health/vison/dental benefits, 401k, and life insurance. What more can I ask for now?? I gladly accepted the position and they kept telling me how amazing I am @ my job, learned so quickly & all the great feedback they received about me. I am not surprised cause as long as I enjoy what I do, I will blow them away. So that offer certainly gave me a great start to this weekend.
I went over David's last night to do some celebrating and we had another long talk, he is a little upset that I wont commit to him, but why should I? He is a really nice guy but he is like talking to a 'dead horse', sometimes. He is boring in bed {just pretty much does the same this over & over/nothing exciting or erotic}, he never has been in a long term relationship before, and is too quiet; I need someone who will be happy with me (express emotions) and want to progress in a relationship. I didn't even think of giving him any "ass" last night, we just went to sleep together. When we woke up, I got up and dressed & left to come home. He was wondering why I changed and I told him we are better as friends with "no benefits". I dont need all the shit that goes along with sleeping him either.
As you may read in my entries, I am one who gives it away too freely. I have always been that way UNTIL I met my ex-husband and now since I am "single" I seem to have fallen back into that same old routine. I don't want to be that woman, NO MORE. I want something more than that with a man, not just friends with benefits or a "fuck buddy". So now I have set myself a goal, to challenge myself to learn some self control & make myself hold off on giving anything up. I want a man with whom it will truly be worth waiting for and takes time to really know me & fall in love with me first. Be a woman worthly of a stable monogamous relationship that someone who love for me to meet his family. A man who knows how to makeme feel like a queen, appreciated, and can love to me and do it in a loving way too. I want to have romance and passion, stuff people feel when it is supposed to be!
But anyway.. will let you know how the date goes tonight with Nick and I will stand by my pact to not to give in to any "sex" pressure until I am fully ready to be with someone monogamously.
Thank God It's Almost Friday
I cannot believe how quick this week has flown by!! My first week at work has gone so wonderfully and with no problems. Im anxious to start up permanently which will happen in the next week and THEN I can be 100% part of this great company. They have over 35 offices in the US and 750+ employees. It's a laid back corporate office where everyone is soo happy and personable. I really love the fact I get up in the morning and think WOW, I am looking forward to my day. There is so much to learn and for me to get my hands in, which is exactly what I want.Anyway, my blind-date from date.com didnt go as well as I had hoped. Needless to say, I won't see him again. But you never know until you try, right? He was cute & well mannered but his teeth were a god-awful mess and he had some weird behaviors. He drank quite a bit that night and HE paid for everything but I was just not feeling a physical attraction to him or anything for that matter. He repeatedly said I was Hot & "got it going on" and everything he dreamed about in meeting someone offline. He had a hotel room uptown and I DID not stay with him. I went home happily about 12am. He called the following morning and said I was the first thing he thought about when we woke; funny how things happen like that. We had fun, no expectations, and he even asked if I would come up to Winston Saturday to watch the NE game with him. I don't know what I will do. I was planning on staying in -town, do some shopping (still have g/c to use) and just relaxing since the last two weekends have been jam-packed with drinking and staying out way too late every night. Roomie will have her daughter this weekend and I really don't want to be around them ALL weekend either. So I guess I will figure out something. Jason {uptown guy} will be returning home from ATL friday night, David will probably ask me to come down and stay with him fri or sat night and I definetly want to watch the PANTHERS game Sunday afternoon. It will be a good one and if we win, OMG it will be insane wherever I end up to watch it!!! Well things will come about before I know it, I will be out & about seeing my friends and hanging out again. Wishing I would hear from someone I want to hang out with and go from there.My parents are in Vegas until Sunday afternoon and then my dad goes in for a heart "procedure" the following Friday. I am really worried about him and seriously feel a need to go back up to NJ the end of this month. I just feel he is not taking care of himself and really needs to, he is getting older and not any healthier. He is still having the same problem as he did a week before Thanksgiving. Irregular heartbeat & blood is not flowing properly through is heart; he is not well at all at his age! His meds he's on are causing a lot of side effects but he needs them to keep things flowing properly. I can't wait to go up there and be with my family again. I have made a resolution to visit them at least every 4 months and on certain holidays when I have more time off. I am so lonely (family-wise) down here and just need to see them every once in a while. They are so proud of me for gettting this job and moving forward in a positive way with my life. I just need to get more caught up financially myself and then get my credit back to where it is supposed to be. I have confess, I feel horrible that I had pawned my wedding rings in the summer (so I can pay some bills) cause now I am without them. I am going to stop by the shop this weekend & see what it will cost to get my band back, it is a lot more important than my engagement ring right now. Then I can put it on "layaway" or something until I get all money I need to get it back in possession. This really sucks and I think about it often, sickening at times. Never thought I would have to do that again but once again, I did.My g/f is struggling financially and asks me for zero for rooming w/ her at her house. I hate the idea of how little money I made until now, but I hate the fact she has no money and struggles each week. But then she has not had a normal routine of working shifts since he problems started a mth ago, but once she works normal shifts again, she will get it all together. I offer to take care of what I can, with bills and around the house, and it works out for her in the long run.Sorry this is just a venting entry today. I am feeling so good about my life for the most part and hope things get better over the next few weeks.
Tuesday, Smoozeday
This is my 2nd day at my new job at AMWINS and I am loving it thoroughly. I never imagined I would get a better management position in a company where people are laid back and things just flow so smoothly. No chaos or confusion. I have so much going for me and this is only the beginning!
**I have given the whole David thing a really deep look and I feel I am not wanting to "settle" down with one man, right now. I am truly content with dating a few men and having lots of fun in the process (with no sex!!!). I really like having the freedom to come and go and see who I please. Life is too short for me to quickly jump into something serious, when it is not ultimately what I want right now. I am not truly ready yet. I mean, I left my husband whom I shared my whole life with for 8 yrs (solely) and now I have the choice to see who I want and be with whom I choose. David & I have had a talk and he is open to anything at this point with me. I've been honest with him since day one and that is all I am concerned about.
Tonight, I have a "blind" date with someone I met on date.com, Brian. He is 33 y/o, works for Ralph Lauren, has his OWN home, truck, motorcycle, a good life set before him. On top of that, he doesn't have any children and never been married. He lives in Winston Salem and he will be coming down here to Uptown and staying the night in one of the hotels. He's admitted he has never done anything like this before, and he was quite excited, like I am. He is orig. from Massachusetts and been down here 6 yrs. I don't know, when we talk on the phone and get onto certain topics, I feel like we are on the same page and wave-length. He makes me laugh and smile and we share lots of things about each other every day. I am looking forward to seeing him tonight & wondering if our connection on the phone will be as strong as in person. We have shared photos and all, so we have a general idea of what we look like also. I am not nervous, but I know by the time I get down to meeting him, I will be a little. I know we will have fun nonetheless and when we depart later, I will be smiling cause I met someone new. We will have dinner & drinks and see what is happening uptown tonight, probably not much. But I am hoping we really like one another and there is a mutal attraction. FYI, I am not stringing anyone along nor do I lie about what my intentions are at any point. I am just looking and seeing what is out there and mind you, I would like someone who is established in their life, had a great career/job, likes to have fun but is grounded in what's important.Well I am here working and staying busy with office stuff. I really feel like this can be the best fit for a job I could ask for. We are all one big happy family that keeps growing & growing.Last night was a horrible night at home, my g/f had gone to Dr about her continuing problems and found out she had to start the pill process over again cause it didnt work the first time. She is on bed rest for 5 days and she has to not strain herself at all. It is strange how every weekend she has these problems but during the week she is functional. But we are hoping this time around, it will be done with and she can recoup and move on with her activities.So anyways, Life is good and things are turning around for me wherever I look..I am much happier being free of Ben & Matt and moving on and living the life I was intended to live.I did hear from Jason, the man who lives uptown last night. He is down in Atlanta all week on business and I am definetly wanting to see him when he returns home. He is super sweet and very mature and we just click well together. He misses me already and it has only been since Thursday night when we were hanging at his place. Nice to know I mean a little to someone I barely know...He also has alot to offer me in a relationship, he is established, focused in life and understands what I am seeking too.
BTW, I am still reading Matt's blog occasionally and of the understanding, HE has completely fallen in love with this Alecia woman in a matter of 2 or 3 months (?). I don't see how he can honestly feel that way, he was so unsure when we spoke what it was like to be in love or love someone that much. I fooled myself to THINK I was in love with him when all it was, was 100% lust. Nothing more or less. It was purely sex with us and I am woman enough to admit it now. I hope he gets what he wants out of her and she makes him happy everyday they are together. I know I am better off without him and all is "issues". Too much fucking drama involved. He has posted pics of her on his blog, and GEEZ, she isnt that pretty. I just don't get it. She looks homely, not OMG beautiful or even pretty, I honestly don't see why he is so fascinated with her?! I am NOT jealous or envious of his love for her, that isnt a question.I am secure that at the time we were together he did have deep feelings for me but it was totally WRONG timing on my part to be with him. I was very needy of something he was NOT wanting to give. If he ca find true happiness with Alecia, then good for him. I never wanted to hurt him or make his life miserable. He really was a great guy when we lived together & I wouldn't not have picked a better guy to have lived with.Well...I will be departing for now and glad I can have this time to express my mind freely,will update you again soon....
WHEW..2006
2006 has definitely started out with a BIG BANG!The night before New Yrs Eve was awesome! Mark the 'Pirate' & I decided to hang out and have dinner & drinks. We did so & went back to his place to watch a movie, "Base-ketball". We fell asleep on his bed so I ended up staying til Saturday morning. He is so touchy feely, which was really nice and I know he wants things to work for us BUT both know we are better suited as friends. We agreed to remain good friends and let things take their course.
I partied in the New Year like no ever!! A group of us (about 10) met up at Stool's for drinks and had rented a limo for our excursion to Uptown Chlt to Liquid Lounge. We got up there around 11:15 and found our way to the Club. We were immediately escorted right inside (no line to wait on), paid no cover and drinks were on a friend of ours who knew everyone there, who got us in. We rang in 2006 w/ Champagne toast and many kisses from our group. It was the best night of my life, we danced and drank for basically free ALL night til closing. Guys were walking up to me constantly taking me to the dance floor and buying me drinks all night. I was so happy that I chose to go out & hang with my friends. We finally found a cab at 3:30 am and got back into Matthews. We partied all morning, with very little sleep and were drinking tequila @ 10am New Yrs Day! We made our way to Stool's for the Panther game by 1pm and hung out there til 4:30. I went back to my house and hung outat my place the rest of day-night. I was pretty tired and wore out from the last two night's festivities.
On Monday(I had off from Technocom) I watched Anna so we went to the mall, where i used my Gap gift card and we met "mommy" for lunch nearby Lowes Foods. We made a few more shopping stops and made our way back home & hung out and went to bed nice' n' early.
I had 2 interviews scheduled for Tuesday so I called out sick and stayed in bed til 10am. I got ready and met with two recruiting agencies that day, not feeling much better about my job search afterwards, just a bunch of bullshit as I see it. I had met someone recently off of yahoo IM so we decided to meet Tuesday night at his place. His condo overlooks the Bank of America Stadium & field where the Panthers practice. His bedroom has all floor to ceiling windows overlooking the skyline of Charlotte so we watched some College hoops there and drank LOTS of tequila, that is my liquer of choice (as you may have figured). We snuggled in bed, I ended up falling asleep & stayed at his place (no sex either) since I didn't want to drive home in wee hours of morning.
I woke up Wednesday morning and still, not wanting to go to work, called out once again. I took it upon myself to get up and leave his place early in morning when he left for work and I went to mall to buy some items @ Victoria Secret (thank you David for the gift card for x-mas). I got a lot of fun things and used the last of my Gap g/c too. During the afternoon, I received a call from a recruiter for a position in Southpark that would be a permanent job. I was super interested and learned more about the company and scheduled an interview for 8:30 am Thurs morning with the HR mgr. I went home and hung out the rest of the night at home, prepping for the next day.
Thursday am, I went to interview & REALLY turned on the charm. I was very impressed with the job and the benefits offered and by the end of interview, I was offered the Office Manager/Front Desk Admin position. It pays over $15/hr and 3 weeks paid time off right off. I was tickled pink and went on my way back to Technocom to give my notice. I would start my new job the following Monday..boy I'M EXCITED!!!
I worked hard for my last two days and cleared my desk the best I could and left happily on friday afternoon. A bunch of us celebrated my departure at Stools' after work and we drank up a storm. I ended up meeting a bunch more friends there and we stayed til closing. Afterwards we hung out with some friends' at their apt , soon leaving to go home & sleep off my drunkiness until late Saturday morning.
I hung out all day in the house and then go my nails done for my new job starting Monday. I went over to Davids (now from my old job) for his Birthday..Big #26 for him. I brought over a bottle of Yager & Redbull to do YagerBombs all night and we began the night out with a BANG!! It lasted for hours, while we watched the Patriots game on TV. I think we stayed up way late than usual but it WAS well worth it. We are very much in "sync" with each other and he doesnt have any complaints!! As you may already know, we been seeing one another since Sept, our first week at technocom and we totally clicked. We have seen each other pretty much every weekend usually Fri or Sat night. But up until this point we had NO STRINGS. I truly feel his is well-suited for me and we can be great together. He is warm, loving and has a lot of love and acceptance to give. I feel so accepted when we are together and only hope I am not going to get hurt by him. He is so happy for me with my new job and only wishes the best for me. He knows how unhappy I was there and needed something better
So now it is Sunday evening, just got back from watching the Panthers kick some major Giants ass (24-0) in football and having dinner w/a friend. We hung out all afternoon relaxing.
Well, I am very excited about starting my new job tomorrow and beginning a new journey in life. This job will give me the stability, experience and growth I truly have been seeking. This is a young upbeat office where I can grow and develop good work relationships.
I apologize for this was a long-winded entry but there was some catching up on my part to do. Sure hope I can keep better UPDATED more often than by the week..
Have a great weekend....
