Tuesday, Smoozeday
This is my 2nd day at my new job at AMWINS and I am loving it thoroughly. I never imagined I would get a better management position in a company where people are laid back and things just flow so smoothly. No chaos or confusion. I have so much going for me and this is only the beginning!**I have given the whole David thing a really deep look and I feel I am not wanting to "settle" down with one man, right now. I am truly content with dating a few men and having lots of fun in the process (with no sex!!!). I really like having the freedom to come and go and see who I please. Life is too short for me to quickly jump into something serious, when it is not ultimately what I want right now. I am not truly ready yet. I mean, I left my husband whom I shared my whole life with for 8 yrs (solely) and now I have the choice to see who I want and be with whom I choose. David & I have had a talk and he is open to anything at this point with me. I've been honest with him since day one and that is all I am concerned about.
Tonight, I have a "blind" date with someone I met on date.com, Brian. He is 33 y/o, works for Ralph Lauren, has his OWN home, truck, motorcycle, a good life set before him. On top of that, he doesn't have any children and never been married. He lives in Winston Salem and he will be coming down here to Uptown and staying the night in one of the hotels. He's admitted he has never done anything like this before, and he was quite excited, like I am. He is orig. from Massachusetts and been down here 6 yrs. I don't know, when we talk on the phone and get onto certain topics, I feel like we are on the same page and wave-length. He makes me laugh and smile and we share lots of things about each other every day. I am looking forward to seeing him tonight & wondering if our connection on the phone will be as strong as in person. We have shared photos and all, so we have a general idea of what we look like also. I am not nervous, but I know by the time I get down to meeting him, I will be a little. I know we will have fun nonetheless and when we depart later, I will be smiling cause I met someone new. We will have dinner & drinks and see what is happening uptown tonight, probably not much. But I am hoping we really like one another and there is a mutal attraction. FYI, I am not stringing anyone along nor do I lie about what my intentions are at any point. I am just looking and seeing what is out there and mind you, I would like someone who is established in their life, had a great career/job, likes to have fun but is grounded in what's important.
Well I am here working and staying busy with office stuff. I really feel like this can be the best fit for a job I could ask for. We are all one big happy family that keeps growing & growing.
Last night was a horrible night at home, my g/f had gone to Dr about her continuing problems and found out she had to start the pill process over again cause it didnt work the first time. She is on bed rest for 5 days and she has to not strain herself at all. It is strange how every weekend she has these problems but during the week she is functional. But we are hoping this time around, it will be done with and she can recoup and move on with her activities.
So anyways, Life is good and things are turning around for me wherever I look..I am much happier being free of Ben & Matt and moving on and living the life I was intended to live.
I did hear from Jason, the man who lives uptown last night. He is down in Atlanta all week on business and I am definetly wanting to see him when he returns home. He is super sweet and very mature and we just click well together. He misses me already and it has only been since Thursday night when we were hanging at his place. Nice to know I mean a little to someone I barely know...He also has alot to offer me in a relationship, he is established, focused in life and understands what I am seeking too.
BTW, I am still reading Matt's blog occasionally and of the understanding, HE has completely fallen in love with this Alecia woman in a matter of 2 or 3 months (?). I don't see how he can honestly feel that way, he was so unsure when we spoke what it was like to be in love or love someone that much. I fooled myself to THINK I was in love with him when all it was, was 100% lust. Nothing more or less. It was purely sex with us and I am woman enough to admit it now. I hope he gets what he wants out of her and she makes him happy everyday they are together. I know I am better off without him and all is "issues". Too much fucking drama involved. He has posted pics of her on his blog, and GEEZ, she isnt that pretty. I just don't get it. She looks homely, not OMG beautiful or even pretty, I honestly don't see why he is so fascinated with her?! I am NOT jealous or envious of his love for her, that isnt a question.I am secure that at the time we were together he did have deep feelings for me but it was totally WRONG timing on my part to be with him. I was very needy of something he was NOT wanting to give. If he ca find true happiness with Alecia, then good for him. I never wanted to hurt him or make his life miserable. He really was a great guy when we lived together & I wouldn't not have picked a better guy to have lived with.
Well...I will be departing for now and glad I can have this time to express my mind freely,will update you again soon....
posted by MyLifeAsIChoose2LiveIt @ 2:33 PM
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