Wish Washy Wednesday....
You are being forwarned, this is gonna be a LONG entry today...(but i need to vent again)Well I am going to be honest, I have been spending a lot of time with Ben (my soon to be Ex) and it has only become more of a problem for both of us. He is refusing to let me go and move on with our life, separately. Granted, he doesn't have many friends he can spend time with and I take on the baggage of feeling bad for him. We had a big blow-out last night on the phone and have not heard anything from him since then. I am always concerned for his "well-being". It is only natural to still feel things for him, just not the "wife" way I used to, right? How can I spend almost 8 1/2 yrs with one man and stay loyal then shut off the feelings & emotional attachment I had? It is very hard! I guess, until recently, I have not realized how much "damage" I have caused by giving Ben the opportunity to be part of my life, since we have been separated. Last yr, when I was living with Matt, I didn't care or think about Ben as I do now. By this, I mean have concern for and hope he is doing ok for himself. I have stopped loving him and just feel there is no way to repair this marriage and we both need to move on. {Since I met Ron, I would much rather spend more time with him and grow to learn more about him and see if we can turn this friendship into something more}. Ben is very rugged, always stressed out & tense, blue collar and just seems to NOT care much for his appearance or health. By his constant smoking, "Elvis" & unhealthy eating habits, he is destined not to have a healthy future. He cared about his appearance when we first dated but once we got married, he went downhill. It sucks for him cause he will never be able to appeal to another woman the way he did when we first met.. I feel sorry for Ben; his parents have disowned him (for many reasons), he doesn't have much going for him (shitty job, no money, stability) and he lost the beautiful house we had together. It had been forclosed on in January and he was evicted in February. That was one of the hardest thngs I had to go thru with him. He has never fessed up to how all the money we had less than 2 yrs ago vanished in less that 4-5 months and he didn't pay anything on the house with the $$ so, I can only imagine where it went during that time. I have my assumptions but with no denial or explanations, I only think the worst. So, here we are, going on 1 yr since I filed for separation, and I am ready to file for divorce. He is not wanting to give up on our marriage and he begs me any chance he gets to give him one last big effort to make it work. Why should I trust him or feel I should even give him another chance? He had 8 yrs to make big changes and refused to do so. I guess since I actually left him ad no longer live with him , he finally got the idea that I was seriosu and won't go back. Everytime I consider going back, I feel sick. He is not the man I want to have afamily, grow old and live happily ever after with. He even puchased the Dr. Phil "Love Smart" book but what is the point on trying to work on something I do not want anymore (our marriage)?? How can I do that when I truly feel he is not the man I love, adore and respect?? Does this make me a horrible woman? Am I ever going to meet someone who feels the same about love and faithfulness, and knows I should be treated better as well? My vows to him have dimished over the last year and I feel no love for him. He is different, in so many ways and not all good ones. He has always had a violent temper, been a big pot head and just very lazy in everything in life. He never was spontaneous, was always negative, never took control of responsibilities and was not easy to talk to. You may ask, Why did you marry him? Well it was apparently for all the wrong reasons. I thought it was the next step in our relationship and if we didnt get married, I was going to leave for good. So we got married, planned a big wedding in NJ and so it went. It was a beautiful day and I have no regrets. I did it for love or so I thought, but things changed and the connection we may have had in the beginning was long gone. We were never in sync after the 1st yr of marriage & things progressively got worse. Then we bought a house, thinking this was going to be a wake-up call for him and once again, it got worse. He really started partying harder and doing other things I don't care to mention on here. He did pay the bills as agreed but his emotional attachment lacked more & more. We fought often about money, sex and having a family. When we decided to start trying for a baby, I went off the pill and got pregnant very quick, which was very weird. I honestly knew it was not our best decison to make but we attempted to make it work. I had stopped all the partying before we decided to have children and he chose not to stop it at all. If anything it got worse but who would I tell? He was always justifying his usage and all and saying he didn't have a problem...Yea Right! So I asked him to stop and he freaked out so he hide it from me after that. I was about 11 weeks pregnant when I miscarried. Granted not too far along but enough for me to start feeling changes in my body and be caught up in the "mommy mode"! I knew something was wrong when I was bleeding heavily and called the Dr who told me to meet her at the hospital for an Ultrasound. Ben was so hung over/in a coma state when I told him I needed to go to hospital, he rolled over and remained asleeep. I drove myself. I called a good friend of mine to meet me there and she stayed with me until I found out I was/had miscarrying. I was soo much hoping I wasn't but something inside of me knew it was happening. I was told I could have a D&C that day but had to wait for Dr to arrive to do the procedure, so I agreed to wait. So my friend & in-laws made every attempt to get in touch with Ben but couldn't. Finally my in-laws went over to the house and knocked on the bedroom window to wake him & tell him what was happening. Don't know what the hell was going thru anyone's mind, but why didn't anyone give him shit for not being with me...?? WTF, Am I not worth getting up and taking care of, if I was losing OUR baby?? Doesn't our love and committment to one another mean anything? I didn't see it that way at that point. So I had the procedure and all I remember is waking up in recovery room with Ben crying and his parents standing there. Talk about awkward and fucked up all at once!! Since that weekend, I never looked or felt the same about him ever again. I took a week to recover and worked thur somethings following the misacrriage and started back at life once again. Granted we tried for months for another baby after the miscarriage to get pregnant, but failed attempts everytime. They he experienced some ED issues and I just gave up. He was partying and not giving a shit about himself, he didn't care to get himself checked out and all either. So by the Dec 2004, I knew things had to change, and I voiced my thoughts and feelings about him & told him if things didnt change, I was leaving. He didnt't believe me and now here we are, separated and he is unhappy and wondering why.I am just beside myself with confusion. I truly feel I cannot be with Ben any longer in a marriage, but we can be friends, but NOT now. He feels and loves me too much right now for us to see one another frequently. It is unfair to keep him around just so I can get a free meal or get my car fixed or whatever I need. He hasn't turned off his feelings for me, like I have. It was my choice to leave him and move on with my life, and I did for sometime live without him being in my life, but lately it hasn't been that way. He is always calling and wanting to stop by and etc...Spend time with me and show me how he has changed but anythng he has done has NOT changed the way I feel about him and our broken marriage. Dr. Phill CANNOT fix this one, if I am not wanting to particpate in reconciling!! There is nothing left for us to work on, have cut him off emotionally, sexually and physically. I just hope and pray he will be considerate of my choice and leave well enough alone and not cause more drama and problems for me. Time will be the only factor right now, I will file for divorce when I am able to afford it this month. I am a bit strapped until the next paycheck so it will happen then. I just need to stay focused on what I need to do and keep with it. I have support from friends and family and I am happier without him and feel I can move on completely when we are divorced.Well tonight Ron is cooking dinner for us and we will be hanging out . I hope we get some more one on one time to talk more & enjoy each other's company. I am grateful there are no expectations and we can take things slow and not rush into it.Well off for the rest of night...catch ya up soon enough, as things progress!!
Moving Along Moonday~~
Considering the wild weekend, today has moved along quickly. My work-day is almost over and I am relieved. I am a little tired and looking forward to coming home and relaxing most of the night. Friday night was quite interesting. I got home and Ben came soon after to fix my car. He worked on it for a couple of hours and had it all fixed. In the meantime, I was hanging out with my new man, Ron, and his sister & b/f. We were enjoying some chilled beverages out front and smoking cigs waiting on my car. Ben made his way next door and joined in the fun as well. Ron had to work Fri night at Rick's Cabaret, so we hung out for a bit then he left for work. Everyone got their hands on some 'Elvis" and we enjoyed it in my room. Ben & I hung out some and decided to go back next door and partied hard over there. We were drinking, smoking (Elvis) and shooting pool w/Victoria and Bill til 1:30am. I was completely wasted and falling over and laughing so hard all the while. Victoria & I had some heart to heart conversations and she is knowing of how I feel about Ron and also Ben. She wasnt clear as to whatI thought about everything but I definitely want to give Ron a chance to be with me in a relationship and see if it develops more for us. But the only problem is that I don't want Ben to think he is welcome anytime to hang out. I would prefer to spend less time with him and more with Ron! He is a much better suited man for me, we know how to have safe legal fun & relax around one another. Saturday was cool. I got up early and drove Victoria to her hair salon and she did my highlights and cut again. It came out good, {very good}, but will prob put more in soon when we get things better planned out. I came home after grabbing a bite to eat, then napped for 2 hrs then went to Ron's to hang out some, met u with Ben to get $$ for more Elvis, then met up with dude and came back. ROn left shortly afterwards to work again. I took some good pics of his dressed up styling ways and spend a couple hrs over there and then Ben & I came back to my place, showered and ordered some Sonny's BBQ for dinner. We chilled out, drank some and watched NAscar race on DVR. It was a good race, fairly quick and went to bed fairly early.Sunday was a good day, we slept in til 10:30 am, got up, chilled out, made breakfast, watched rest of Nascar race we missed and then decided to go out to Storage unit for stuff and then to Freedom Park. We drove around, not finding a parking space, and decided to go to Uptown and walk around for a bit then came home. Watched CRASH movie, which was a great movie. I bought it and knew it would be awesome, it was a different view on how things/people all come together in life. We ate left-over chinese food, chilled/smoked and I went to bed very early and slept soundly all night!I really had a good weekend, wasnt too crazy but let loose a lot of Fridayt-Saturday morning. Believe it or not, I was not that hung over either, even after all the Yagerbombs I drank and smokes!! But I am happy about my life, love and work...Things can only get better and better for me!!! Yipee....Just for info....Ben is just going thru a lot right now and I feel we need to spend time together but not the way he wants. He would love for me to say lets work this out, jump in bed all the time, move into my place and start over. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN ANYTIME..NEVER !!! I am totally over him and have moved on, just unfortunate he has not done so himself. I think for a brief moment, it could work out if we tried but then I think of all I been put thru and how unreliable Ben is and insistent he is in life & love. He is just very confused, irrresponsible and absent minded. I tend to take care of him (be a mom instead of a wife) and not wanting that anymore. I want someone who is responsible, dependable, loving & affectionate, open to communicating, loves life and enjoys it when he can...within means. Ron is so much of what I wanted all rolled into ONE MAN. I look forward to seeing more of him, sharing good times & making good memories with him. Just dont wanna jinx or rush into anything too fast cause I want this to work out for the best with Ron.Well..time is sure flying and I am definitely looking forward to seeing Ron after work. Ben will be coming over to watch Prison Break & 24...then he will go back home to Waxhaw.....Hope we can talk some more and I can feel good about the filing of divorce paperwork next weekend.Take care & catch ya'll soon----Monday is just about over...YEA...YEA
Friday is Here....
It is Friday & this morning did not get off to a great beginning! My car wouldnt't start (again for the umpteenth time in last yr) and is doing the same thing it did last summer, not turning over! I had to call Ben cause he is the only one who knows my car and will be able to fix it. So bottom line right now is, it is either the spark plugs & caseings for them or gas filter. It is getting to be more & more of a hassle going thru this every few months and spending more money on the damn car than I want to. If we can't fix it tonight or this weekend for Monday, the guy next door, Ron, said he can get me a great deal on a new car from the dealership he works at, for a good price and no $$$ down. That would be fabulous and I would definitely appreciate a new car to get around. Granted a car payment is not what I need right now but what can I do?? I cannot afford to keep dumping $$ in this POS car I have now, it is a '95 Corolla and it is really giving me way too many problems. I will just need to budget my expenses more and more wise w/my money so that I can swing it all every month. This is something I needed to do for awhile and now is the time I guess to venture out & get a new vehicle. He says it isn't a big deal if I have bad credit or no money to put down, I will just have to pay a little higher interest rate on loan..Such is life, right?
The past week has been very good & exciting for me. First, I met Adam from the True.com and that didn't work out, though he wants to see me more and date, I am not interested! Strangely enough, I had the courage to call my neighbor, Ron, Wednesday to see if he wanted to hang out sometime, possibly that night. He was mnore than happy to hang out and definitely showed more interest than expected. So around 8pm he came over and we drank a lot Yagerbombs & Beer, on my front porch for 4 1/2 hrs talking and laughing, and had a great time! He is tall, blonde hair/light eyes, handsome, down to earth, can relate to somethings I've been thru and we really understood one another. I,for the first time, feel definite sparks with us and who knows, he maybe the man I want to be with long term. He has been very honest and straight forward on how he sees things and I feel very comfortable when we are together. His sister Victoria is my neighbor (they live together) and she thinks this is great for us to be hanging out and having fun, she is hoping for someone to make Ron happy again. When he kissed me for the first time when he left for the night, I felt tingles and it was such a good feeling.I felt such a connection w/ him more than anyone else I have met offline thru personal ads. I have cancelled all of them effective yesterday. I am sick of the bullshit I have to go thru to meet someone who is looking for the same and is good- looking. Granted many women have different views on what is handsome but I refuse to date someone I am not attracted to physically or mentally.
So last night Ron & I got up together & drank on my front porch until his sister & b/f came home and that's when all the fun started! We did yaeger shots, I showed Victoria my sex toy inventory from Pure Romance Parties I used to do and sell for, and she offered to do my chunky highlights in exchange for sex accessories she liked for her & her boyfriend (living with her). I was cool with it and she was like a child in a candy store, very excited and picked out a bunch of things to enjoy later on. So Saturday morning I will be getting chunky blonde highlights put in and going to look FABULOUS...PLUS get more heads turning. THE MAIN ONE I WANT TO SEE TURNING IS.... RON...lol hehehehe!! He is just very easy to talk to, hang out with, party with and just have fun. We all get along soo damn good and had a blast last night. We went over their house for some 4/20 fun and I never laughed so hard as I did over there! We were laughing so hard we were falling down and giggling like school kids! Victoria & Bill are like this old married couple (though not married & he is going thru divorce), they bicker , tease, pick at and taunt each other--it was hilarious! So, if I am stuck at home all weekend, I know where to go to relax and have fun...right next door. More about the new man in my life. Ron is 26 y/o, originally from Texas and grew up in a very diff household. He has worked in many different industries and he is now a Commercial Fleet Salesman for Ford vehicles. SPeaking wiht him and listening to things in his life, he is very mature for his age. His mom is still living in Texas and father past away last March. He is the one of two sons and 5 sisters. He sees things differently (unlike most 26 yr olds) and it is a refreshing for me to talk with him. There is no awkward silence and I can see myself spending a lot of time with him and hope for something serious to come of this. He is the first man I get nervous about seeing and love to feel his hand brush across my shoulder when he walks by...He is very sweet, romantic and just someone i can see myself being with. Tme will tell as always and I certianly don't wanna jinx it at all but things are good with us and can only get better. Ron is hoping to be able to take me out Sunday and do something fun, it will all depend on the weather. I wouldnt mind spending time with him anyways even if we have to stay in the house!!!
Well I am hoping my car can be fixed tonight so I dont have to buy a car right now and deal with car payments, I wish my car would just work and run as well as expected! I planned to have a few dates this weekend but I don't think they will happen and I honestly don't want to meet others anymore. I am really feeling like Ron & I can work into something great and I want to take the chance with him. He is worth the time I will put into seeing we are meant to be together. :0) :0)
Will catch you all up at beginning of week and let you know how things are progressing with Ron and my car.
Wheewwww-It is only Tuesday and this week is busy as anything. A lot of the big whigs are off in Las Vegas for a Seminar so it is quiet but my job has been busy! I actually took a 1/2 day yesterday and took care of me for once. Got some allergy meds, had my hair trimmed, went shopping and colored my hair at home--it looks soo cute. I will have to get a new updated pic of my updated color and all...
Anyways my "picnic date" at McAlpine Park was very nice, I enjoyed it thoroughly. He planned it out to every last detail. He knew my fav flower, wine and set it up soo wonderfully. We got along great....but
No spark at all. He was VERY tall and gangly looking--definetly not my physical type. I went with the idea of "only friends" and glad that was already discussed. Felt no connection on many levels at all but Oh well--cant hurt to try.
Friday went quickly in office, we left early and it was great. Scott Mc from technocom sales called me and he came over to see my place...had a couple yaegerbombs and chilled out for a while. I was waiting for this guy Adam to call me to go out but never got the call..hmmm stood up!! So I called Scott and he was heading to Stool Pigeons for drinks and eating with Mark. So he invited me to join them, I met them there and had a blast. I drank quite a few Yaeger Bombs that night!! Ended up at Rookies in Mint Hill for more beverages w/ the guys and Basketball. We drnak and laughed and had a great time. I left shortly after 10:30 and went back to Stool Pigeons for another drink while waiting to go to a party at John's.
He called about 11:30 and I headed over there soon after. I enjoyed myself, even though I didnt drink a sip while over his house. We had a good time, listened to music and chilled..had some good laughs on top of it. He invited a friend, Nicole & her gay friend Derek. We had a blast and it was a riot. I decided to leave about 2:15 am and head home, something was telling me to just be home for night. I was relieved cause when I got home, I got sick as a dog. I was very up close & personal with the porclein throne for about 5 hours til I started feeling good/normal. I slept in til 10:00 and then called Kermit. He was disappointed I was sick earlier (we had plans to meet earlier in morning) but he did come down to Charlotte from Morganton. We went to Wild WIngs for lunch, drove around Charlotte for a bit showing him around the town and chilled at Freedom Park for 2 1/2 hrs ! It was fun talking and feeling no pressure from him. I honestly don't feel a physical connection but we got along good too. He was very much a gentleman & was very happy with meeting me. So I don't think I will see much of him and see where it leads...if i dont feel "it".
Saturday night was fun, I went out with Ben to Applebees for dinner & drinks. Then proceeded to play a few games of Bowling in Matthews. It was a lot of fun and we had a blast, we did not play our best games but we had fun. I stayed over there so I could be nearby for the Cook-out Sunday at Lori & Daves. It went well and we had a good time, shot off fireworks and drank quite a bit. My allergies were really killing me Sunday, nose was running quite a bit and sniffling. Ben's mom showed up and all, barely spoke to her...but we had a good day together with everyone. I got some good meds Monday so now I am feeling AWESOME!!!
I don't know what it is really..I think I am way too picky. Is it that hard to ask for a guy to walk into my life and feel a immediate physical attraction??? I am not asking for much, just some good looking guys--no toothless wonders, not someone with minimal education, who thinks fast food is a great first date but who can live on his own and not depend on anyone. That is just the tip of iceberg for me!! I am a hard worker, love to be happy & live my life and just need the 2nd half of my life fall into place now. It is just tough meeting someone who I connect with on many levels and have that attraction to ...damn why is it sooo HARD to find a Mr. Right???!!!
Oh well life happens and I am certianly looking forward to meeting Adam from Indian Trail tonight. He called and explained his way oput of Friday night, so I am giving him another chance tonight to make it up to me. He will come over and we will hang out..he needs a friend and I am more than willing to be that with him. He will be over about 6:30 for drinks and talk..then thats it for tonight...
Will catch up w/ ya'll soon...bye bye
WooooHoooo Thursday!!!
Thursday, Thursday...what can I say. I am a very busy woman lately and will be for most of the weekend. I have plans pretty much everyday until Monday. I love being able to come & go as I please, invite over whom I want and enjoy my time with friends. Met David last night for drinks after work. He has been a guy I have been talking for about 4 months off & on since I moved in with Angel last yr. So we met and he is very sweet but didnt get a good vibe from him, a lil agressive with being sexually involved, but we talked a lot and listened to good music and he left early too. Today, I am having a "picnic dinner" at park after work with John. We started talking Monday or Tuesday and we are excited about meeting but in my heart of hearts, we will just end up being friends. He has been honest about something in his life that I cannot get past. Honestly, as mentioned before, having children are a must for me in the future, NOT NOW but definitely future. He will not be able to have children of his own, which would be an issue for me. SO friends I think it will be and I can be happy with that. I have also been talking to Jeremy (Customs Office/Police Officer), Chad (Greensboro) , another Ben (Ballantyne) and Kermit (Yes...like the frog). Kermit is super nice, from Morganton and we are supposed to get together this weekend, preferably Saturday and he is willing to come down to Chlt and chill with me during the day. I think we hit it off best when we speak on phone and he is definitely looking for someone special. He has been divorced 3 yrs and has no children, BUT wants them as well. We share a lot of same interests, values and etc.. He is quite a handsome guy too on top of it!!! So this weekend, as stated before should be a eventful one and hope to feel that SPARK with one of these guys I meet and see where the spark leads us. There are a couple more guys I chat with during the day who seem pretty cool, but if they cannot make a call to me to talk at night, then why waste my time?? I am a lot more open and comfortable when on the phone and in person.Just wanting one of these guys to be the ONE who melts my heart and is someone worth spending all my time with. Thoughtful, sincere and not just out for some piece of Ass...I just long for that companionship I had before, open communication and a foundation that both of us can establish over time. Trust is a very big issue for me and someone being Faithful!!I have been hurt a lot over the last few yrs and soo tired of bending over backwards to please the other person. I am just like that and trying to allow myself to be treated with the same respect and compassion I have to offer. It would be nice to meet a man who is established with a job, lives on his own & independent, looking for someone to build a relationship with and who is stable in all aspects of life. My ex (boyfriend) was an emotional wreck and ended up being even more unstable than I ever was. I admit I was nowhere near ready for committment when we got together but I gave it a try and it failed, I am woman enough to admit it. Now with everything I have been thru and put up with and made up my mind as to WHAT I want for myself and my future, I won't settle for anything less.Today should be fairly steady, we have visitors here and meetings up the wazoo. Lunches get delivered and I also get to meet people who work for our other offices! I am just looking forward to this weekend ahead! It should be lots of fun and on Sunday, going to friends' house for Cook-out for Easter holiday..Well catch you all later....Have a Happy...Hoppy Thursday!!
Well today has been full of surprises!! I had a bunch of messages from my ad on True.com & Lovehappens.com. I was pretty excited when I got into office and had emails to read from new men. To be honest I am sick of the dating thing!! It is exhausting and makes me feel I am a player but I am not playing anyone. I keep it real by telling them I am dating around a bit and meeting but it usually doesnt go past first date with most of men I have been meeting. Just didnt feel anything or any type of attractooion on my part. I am hoping I do find someone soon who I feel a connection with and can follow my heart with it. I talked to Sam (Fri night date) after work Monday and think he feels the same about me, which is cool. Want to see where things lead as well...but time will tell, as with most things in life. I have been talking to a couple of guys lately and some are more open to meeting & others are not, they are just weirded out when i ask them to call me, I guess they are scared to get the phone call out of way! With whom I meet is always excting, I met a new guy online today, John, he winked @ me first and we started chatting and emailing. He seems pretty cool and looking forward to meeting him afterwork onThursday.
But anyway hope after this weekend I will know something in regard to a relastionship and know whom I will share my time with...feel something for one person and go from there. I am so confused with all this excitement. I look forward to meeting new guys but it is getting old.
I want to meet someone who is there for me when I need, knows how t be understanding & patient that realtionship take time, give space when we both need it, can keep up w/ my high sex drive & needs, and wants to have a future together. That is
mainly important to me nowadays. Someone to have fun, share good & bad things with each other, enjoy time off with and can share parts of me and eventually all of me with...Not too much to ask for right? I am a fun person, very loving, affectionate, intelligent, have morals and values and can hold my own in a relationship. I am feeling like I want to
settle down again and have that one person in my life..BUT who will it be?? I like the fact I have a choice now, not having to settle either.
Life is soo good for me right now, I cannot complain at all. I love being free and free of marital obligations with Ben. He has been getting soo pissy with me and not getting thru his thick skull I am not going to change my mind. He is trying to manipulate me into thinking he will change and he wont, " a tiger does not chage his stripes" I love that quote now~~ I hate being mean or heartless but he seems to get it sometimes and other times he doesnt. It drives me nuts over and over. But he is still trying to get me to see his way, which wont happen ever again; he is just clueless how much damage he did to our relationship and I will never be with him again in a relationship. Having NO children in our 8 yrs together was a blessing and thankfully I will put faith in God that I will find a man who will want kids and be a good father/husband. I will not settle for someone who even has such little resect for me and our life together to do what he did to me for yrs!!!
Work has been busy like all hell today. Big execs are here all day for meeting so I have been running around and taking care of things with food, drinks and such.
Hope tonight will go well...Ben will come over to chat a bit after work...it is less than 3 weeks til I file for divorce in North Carolina...It will the best day of my life, turn over a NEW leaf for good..with him not being in my life any longer and married ...
Well off for rest of day----catch y'all later...bye
Well here it is again Monday afternoon, and boy am I tired and allergy ridden from this weekend! I started Friday night with a date with Sam from Concord. He was very sweet, a true gentleman and very laid back. I felt we had a great time, enjoyed each other's company and had a lot of fun hanging out. We ate some good food/wings and drinks at Wild Wings near my place. Then afterwards wanted to be outside more, so we decided to head to Zuma Fun Center (Celebration Station) for some put-put golf. We had a blast and ended up playing 2 good games..it was fun fun times!!We talked alot of about our life, work and friends. I definitely see myself being with someone like that. He is Hispanic, handsome and very well rounded and focused on his career. He is going to be 31 in June and just has such a great personality. After we finished put-put, we decided to come back to my place and drink alot while playing some card game I never heard of...Drunk Driver. I pretty much lost every hand I got and lost but he ended up drinking ALOT of beer so he stayed over so he wouldnt have to drive back home after the night we had. This man was so respectful and we didnt partake in any "sexual or adult" activities besides make out and that was it! It was nice not to feel pressure to do anything but just be fun and enjoy ourselves and get to know one another better. We got up around 9 am Saturday and he left to head home. I watched some shows I had DVR'd from week and some movie I wanted to see, so I relaxed most of day and then got my mattress set delivered to me that day too!! I was feeling pretty raw from Friday night and my allergies were kicking in bad so I decided to stay at home after the mattress was set up and all. My bed is awesome now... I sleep so good and love having the Lexus of the Pillowtop mattresses on my bed! It is super soft and comfortable! I can pretty much say I stayed in bed most of Sunday to enjoy the mattress and make sure it was perfect!! LOLI enjoyed my weekend, kept calls to a minimun and didnt go on any other dates. I was feeling soo BLAH after Saturday afternoon I decided to hang out , do things around my place, set up my bed set and do laundry again...Whhoooaoaoaoao! Honestly, I feel bad I did not call Sam the rest of weekend, I just wasnt feeling the urge to talk much but I know I felt something good when I met him & hoping the date with Sam went as well as he wanted and would like to see where this goes from here on out.. I think we have great chemistry and all...Sam is someone I want to see where this goes, (A FIRST FOR ME) since starting to get into the dating scene a few months ago...actually dating!! So time will tell from here on out. Joe asked for me to join him for a Checkers game Tuesday night andI agreed and plan on meeting for lunch today (as far as I know) . I just don't want to make the wrong choice by settling for just one of these guys, I still want to meet some of the new ones I am talking to, I just need to be honest with these guys and have fun...no pressure or expectations! I refuse to settle and continue something with someone unless I feel a little connection; with Joe it is a nice down to earth laid back thing, BUT I don't see a big future with him due to fact he has 3 kids and 38 yrs old. He is pretty much done with kids and starting a family. With Sam (31 y/o), he is wanting kids, has none & never been married. He has his own home, good career already worked out, fun to be around/good sense of humor and easy to talk to and has a lot to offfer someone special; (or so I see with being with him) he is Catholic, A NASCAR lover, love the Panthers, have fun and party it up sometimes...a lot more like me and what I am truly looking for. Who knows maybe when I talk to him today, he will express the same with me...Hoping!!!Well work is kinda quiet, got quite few visitors in office but otherwise, BORING...But at least I am getting paid and enjoying my job as much as I can while having fun chatting too when nothing to do here...Fun Fun! It is pretty wild, I am the only one in office "not married" and dating on a weekly basis. I have been told I am attractive and beautiful, not a disappointment to anyone I have met, too bad I cannot say the same about others I had met, but Thats Life!! I will take the good with the bad and enjoy what I can right now.Well tata for now...Meeting Joe soon for lunch! Will catch you up during week....
Well I cannot believe it has been almost a week since I wrote and so much exciting stuff has occurred! My date Friday night with Jason went as well as expected. He was handosme, very sweet and a true gentleman. We got along good but as of Tuesday and I am not putting up with that at all. I am a free woman and don't need to be tied down to anyone I am not completely head over heels with! After he left Friday night at 10pm I was invited over to the Comedy Zone in Matthews to join Dustin and some of his co-workers. I had a blast and the place was fairly busy. We had some drinks and then went back to his place to watch KING KONG..It was awesome, especially on his Projector TV..Larger than Life movie. We fell asleep about 4am and then I woke up at 6am to head home and get more sleep! Saturday I finally had my nails done and Dustin & I had lunch and watched rest of King Kong in its entirety. Hung out for a few hours and then I left for my date.
I agreed to meet "T" up in Mooresville, at the Texas Steakhouse. We ate a great dinner and had a drink. We decided not to end our date then so we picked up some beverages & went back to his apt. We took a blanket out on his balcony and sat there drinking and talking & listening to music for a couple hours. It was so relaxing and just what i needed that night! I was very happy once I met "T" Saturday and hoping to see him possibly Sunday!
I have also been talking to "S" for a few months and we should be meeting Friday night, go somewhere for dinner or something then hang out. He is really nice and we share a lot of same interests. He is actually into Frisbee Golf, I had no idea until I saw it on TV what it really is and how it is played. S is a little older but he has really been patient with me ad understanding of stuff going on with my life.
This week has been rough because my cell phone has been acting up and I finally got to Cingular Wednesday morning to find out the manufacturer needs to send me a new phone cause it is a defect . I have not been able to make or receive any calls once I leave my office!! Now this phone is my lifeline and It IS the ONLY means for anyone to get in contact with me. I have had NO Network signal at all or at my house..nowhere through Charlotte can I get a connection
!!! U bet I was not happy to say the least..but today I did receive my new phone, I just need to set it up now and switch out my SIM card...LOL I havent had much luck with phones since December but one day I will have the phone that gives me no problems and functions everyday as it is expected! I am just hoping it was a phone thing and nothing else..keep my fingers crossed!
I met another man Tuesday night"Joe" for dinner here in Southpark who is 38 y/o and separated as well. He lives in Fort Mill and has a crotch rocket bike! It is pretty sweet and I definitely think we got along wonderful. He was very impressed with me and I had enjoyed meeting him and seeing how things went. I look forward to seeing him sometime this weekend...He has 3 kids who live in Burlington NC and he is really mature and we share a lot of issues as well due to pending divorces. So at least I am being proactive and getting out and there and finding out who is out there and who I mesh with well. I am definitely looking forward to sharing myself one day with the right man and having a happy life together, as I had always dreamed of having...
I had the chance to go to a Bobcats game, (Tuesday night) Bobcats vs. Timberwolves. It was awesome. My boss gave me row 2 on the floor seats and 4 box seats (which i gave away) and it was awesome. I saw and got autographs from Jeff Gordon, Kurt Busch and Breston Buckner from the Panthers. It was fabulous being that close to the Famous people of Charlotte~~ I was in my glory to be honest, I didn't hestitate to get them to sign my tix! I saw Steve Smith, Mike Rucker but they were not as available for signatures as the others but hey I saw them in person and all & it was all good for me to be there.
Last night I went with Dustin to his softball game off Reamount. It was pretty chilly but the game went very well and their team, The Privateers, won for the 1st time (13-8) team agreed I was a lucky charm and want me to come back for the rest of the games. I am definitely would like to go, I had another g/f who is dating another team member, Lauren~sit with me & we were the team's personal cheering squad~~she was fun and we got along great as well. I had a lot of fun and look forward to going back in two weeks for another game...
I am not sure what tonight will bring for me, but I am usually doing something and I like that! I am enjoying my life and not having any regrets either. I love meeting these new men and seeing where things could lead for us...sometimes it feel good and then sometimes it doesn't. It is all a matter of how you get along and mesh together!
Well off to start my busy work day...catch you all soon...Bye
