It's Official....
Welcome back from a LONG-4-day weekend!!! Our weekend consisted of moving boxes, grilling out, going out for breakfast on Sunday morning, watching Nascar, unpacking and organizing the house. I am exhausted! Good News...As of Sunday afternoon, my hubby is officially moved into the house. We discussed this when we first got back together and figured there would be no point in rushing it until we were 100% certain this was a good choice. July 1st, he is on the lease and will be contributing to "our" monthly household expenses. His top priority is making sure he covers 1/2 rent/utlities BUT also pay off his debts from the house we used to own. The are some small bills he needs to clear up and then we can start working on getting my credit back to normal too. It has not been an easy 2 months for either of us...there is a lot we needed to work out, talk thru and let go. He is insistant that we stop dredging up past mistakes and learn to be better for one another, and I agree to the upmost! This 2nd chance has become a new beginning for our marriage and I know this is meant to be for both of us.Ben truly is appreciating me for who I am & the woman I am becoming day by day. I promised myself to NEVER go back to the lifestyle we lived previously and I will never accept physical violence. We share so much of our lives together and I know we belong together--forever. Some may say I have taken a few steps back from the progress I have made in the last yr but I disagree. I have become stronger, clear-minded, more open with my true feelings towards Ben and learning ways to express myself without putting a BIG attitude into it. Ben is making changes weekly and I canoot make a complaint about it. He works 6 days a week (about 10 hrs a day) so I give him lots of credit for the effort he makes to improve our lifestyle. The "being clean" has not been a issue and I have not dealt with ANY resistance. Finally after 9 yrs of being together, he feels I am worth making sacrifices for and we can move forward with our life together.
I am concerned many think I may have settled on going back with him or compromising my own happiness but that is NOT the case. He truly makes me very happy and I feel the issues we have can be worked out and become a stronger couple. We need to live our life as a unit BUT we need to have time for ourselves, to be alone with our thoughts and process the dramtic changes in our lives too. Honestly, I am dealing with trust issues, don't understand why I feel I don't believe Ben when he tells me things from when we were apart last yr. But we are slowly working into it, talking & sharing our thoughts. I plan to work on this issue with my counselor whom I go visit once a week or bi-weekly.
**I have been following some blogs of couples trying the "alternative" lifestyle. By this I mean, husband allows wife to go out to meet other men, if connection, sleep w/ them but come home to husband every night. These are strictly hook-ups/ flings for wives, nothing more; I have thought a lot about the feelings involved in doing such things (again) and what there is to be said about those type of relationships. I honestly have been there/done that and it was not for me. I am very much into staying monogamous and I will stick with it. Personally, I don't understand how you can risk everything you have, just because you are curious and want to experience different people. I feel it would be considered selfish and demeaning! Mostly, I'd feel hurt, betrayed, disgusted and petrified of what can come of that situation. I honestly cannot imagine knowing my significant other is going out in search of "fresh" meat and comes home, showers and everything is Hokey-Dokey!! Anyway, sorry for that rant...something struck a nerve, ya think?
On a side note....Lately, I been feeling our "bedroom fun" has become monatonous, I truly want that area to get wilder. Alot has to do with my low self image w/ my body right now, so hopefully when I am feeling more confident, I will be more open! I am getting bored with the same ol' missionary, doggy-style and me on top, guess we need to be a lot more creative. Since I have previosuly sold sex toys, it's time to bring out toys for both of us...things for him to enjoy using and watching me use. Maybe I need more foreplay, intimacy beforehand so I feel I am getting what I need. I guess we need to get some bolder ideas in the bed...need to PERK things up!!!
Things I would be interested in trying:
Being blindfolded, lots of candles & proper lighting in bedroom, buying a book on different positions, Tantric Sex, Kama Sutra, share more intimate/romantic time together (ie: relaxing bubble baths, long sensual massages, soft music), spontaneity, bring toys into bedroom & enhancement items/porn, being tied up and pleasured, talking about what makes us feel good/not soo good, just to name a few.Otherwise, Ben had to work a lot during (my) 4 day weekend so I did organize a lot of his boxes, finished all laundry, organized "our" sanctuary/bedroom and deciding on some new decorating ideas for house. I cannot wait for landlord to move the rest of her belongings out in early fall so we can get rid of storage unit. It would be nice to have a small one and thats it!!!Anyways, it was very hot (90+ degress) everyday and I wished for some rain to cool things down but unfortunately never happened!
The only other exciting part of this long weekend was Ben entertaining all of our friends with his annual Fireworks show in Waxhaw--we had quite a gathering out there and had friends calling from Food Lion stating they saw our show over the Town ones!!! We ate some delicious ribs, mac & cheese, sausage, burgers/hot dogs, baked beans, green beans and broccoli casserole...YUMMY.... D & L really know how to make their gathering so nice and relaxing...we had a blast and got home fairly early last night. I was unfortunately awake until after 1am due to the idiots in neighborhood blowing shit off after 12am~~~ mind you MOST of us had to go to work this morning...I was not happy!!!
Thankfully only 2 workdays left this week....when is the next holiday? Oh yea, Labor Day--Yipee~~3 day weekend!! Tonight after I cook dinner, I want to go to sleep somewhat early and just cuddle up with the HUSBAND...
posted by MyLifeAsIChoose2LiveIt @ 3:16 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home