MyWorldAsIChoose2LiveIt

• I need to start a better fitness schedule, buy new sneakers to walk and do cardio at home.
• I need to get all bills paid asap and avoid finance charges, getting a concrete amount of $ from Ben weekly to help me out.
• Need to stay on my counseling sessions and get a therapist for couples counseling, not too sure I want to drive to University weekly or bi-weekly.
• I am really taking on a lot with the entire rent of my place and any add'l expenses throughout the month. I have been faced with some unexpected expenses and need to keep them under tabs so I can maintain my lifestyle and keep money in bank as well.
• I truly need to work out some kind of budget for myself so I don't get in the red or fall behind. I need to figure out all my expenses/bills monthly and budget better so I can stretch out my paycheck.
• Not much contribution from Ben is hurting me and WE need to sit down and figure out everything. I just hope this all can be worked out and we can actually save money and be free of financial stresses.
• I have decided to keep all conversations with Mom to a "bare" minimum and not giving her any more details to whats going on between Ben & I. She has such a big/blabby mouth and she doesn't hold back anything when we talk so I am leaving well enough alone and putting her off until I am ready to speak to her. She needs to understand I will not tolerate any disrespect and negativity in my life, especially from her! She keeps dredging up old shit and I am not willing to discuss anything with her anymore. I refuse to bow down to her, I am almost 30 yrs old and I'm a grown woman who can make her ouwn life choices. Granted my life hasn't turned out the best way they imagined, but I am doing what makes me happy and I will have no regrets in the end. She has failed me as a Mother I can trust and turn to for any advise. She is very two faced and deceiving with her sweet words and cards she mails me often. I don't feel by obeying her commands to just let Ben go on w/ his life & I find someone else. Talking with her as much as I have is getting me NOwhere. Ben & I just need to focus on US and not worry about anyone else right now. No one else is important to me except Ben and my relationship with him. No one will make me think differently or compromise my happiness EVER. I know what I want and need and I will seek that for myself.
• I may sound harsh but my feelings are hurt deeply by my Mother's actions and words. I have put up with it for so damn long and I am sick of the BS with her. My sister has mentioned she will not hold anything against me for trying to work out the marriage and will support anything I decide to do from here. I just want what's going to make us happy and will do whatever needs to make my marriage not become a failed one.
• Ben is a great guy, aside from his habits that can cause my family some tense moments. He has always worked, always took care of what we needed, is very loving and affectionate and he is reliable most of the time. He has made me the happiest woman at times and I feel we deserve to chance to make this marriage last forever. I see if we truly want to be happy and committed to one another and not allow outside interference get in the way of our progress, We will make it. It will take couples counseling and honesty about mistakes of past, but we can learn from them and mvoe forward with our lives. It is not an illusion of only mine to have this marriage work. I knew one day we would be back together but was unsure when it would happen.

Well I feel I have babbled long enough this morning. Just haven't been myself the past couple days and waiting to get out of this funk I am feeling. I mean I am not sad or anything but I feel there is definitely some unresolved issues that need to be discussed. It is always a timing thing with me and I hope I can get it all talked over soon. It is very quiet in office due to two big acquisitions we did in the last month, so people are traveling to Texas. Tonight should be a chill night for us at home, I plan to make a Homestyle bake dinner for Ben tonight with Ham & Cheese. I plan to sit down tonight and work out some things financially for myself and then get his input as well so we can start making a plan for money and bills.

posted by MyLifeAsIChoose2LiveIt @ 9:41 AM