What a Day...
Well it is now Thursday and of all the mornings to get bad news, TODAY was it. My mom called me at work to let me know, my Aunt Joyce had passed away.My own personal obituary of my Aunt is this...She had lived a lonely life in Baltimore, MD for 20+ yrs & I haven't actually seen her in 9-1/2 yrs. She has always been the "mentally ill/unstable" Aunt, who we had to play along with and take with a grain of salt most of time, as long as I can remember but I love/d her...she was my only AUNT. During times of "normalcy" she wrote letters and left messages on my voicemail. I now wish I had taken more time to go visit her and spend more time on the phone with her to talk, but as we all know, Life Happens and People Get Busy. I feel she was tossed aside when first diagnosed and NO ONE truly cared for her well being, so she did what she had to do for herself. Although she never had it easy in life (she lost her parents at a very young age) did some modeling and that fell apart quickly then became a Flight Attendentl in her 20's when she met some WRONG men and got caught up in some trouble. That is the extent of what i know about her past hitory. I think there is a lot more my mom never told me cause she didnt want me to look at Joyce any differently. I know she traveled and just never had responsibilities in life (ie:kids, husband,home of her own or cars). She had boyfriends but never settled down & got married. She was just always alone or with men who were no good for her & her well-being. I see a similar pattern in me now that I think about it (to some degree).
My true memories start when the family went to visit her in Maryland at an Institution and since then, things went dowhill for her. She had been diagnosed as Manic Depressive, Skitzophrenic and Bi-Polar. In my mind, I have always thought of her as "weird", different from the "norm", carefree, and a chainsmoker who always had a Big Gulp in her hand w/Diet Coke. There wasn't a time when she acted or appeared to be just like everyone else, she never made much sense and it was very sad. She was the only one in family who is mentally ill and there was no one to give her a chance to be normal. As I now sit here thinking of the "good" memories I have, honestly, there were not many. We visited on weekends often and we would be so excited to see her but it was like being in a another world with her, never able to predict what she would say or do. She was always living a non-responsible life and very unstable. I don't think she ever worked a real job in the 20 yrs in Maryland, she was always relying on government funding to assist her thorugh life when she became ill. It was like taking care of a grown-up child who was clueless as to the world around her and the dangers that lurks outside her apartment. She called all hours of night, had crazy stories that we never knew were true or not and left us feeling worried all the time. She was very trusting of everyone (strangers) & would walk the streets near her place all hours of night, try to communicate with spirits and always told us about premonitions. I know it was very hard for my mom (her sister) to have to live everyday worrying about her sister's safety & welfare, deal w/everything as it transpired with Joyce and her mishaps. My mom has been dealing with her sister's lifestyle way longer than I could imagine & now she is assured it is best for her not to be sick any longer and be at peace.
I am extremely sad today, depressed, a emotional mess just knowing I lost someone very close to me in spirit this week. Joyce was not the best Aunt anyone could of had, but she was mine. I loved her and still always will, the only comfort right now is the fact she is no longer suffering from the illnesses and she is at peace in a safe & better place. My parents are making arrangements as they can; Joyce lived & died in Baltimore, MD- she will be cremmated there, my parents will drive down to get her remains and collect any sentimental items from her apartment where she was living and go back to NJ. I plan to be up there once they return to participate in the Memorial Service & gathering of family back home in NJ. This is the 1st time I have lost someone so close to the family, it is shocking. I begin to talk to someone on the phone today and when they ask how I am doing and I burst into tears. I know my heart & thoughts are with my family, and I just feel beside myself since this morning.
Well, as sand in an hourglass, so are the DAYS OF OUR LIVES---REST IN PEACE..I KNOW YOU ARE IN A BETTER PLACE, Aunt Joyce..I always will love you ..XOXOXOXO
posted by MyLifeAsIChoose2LiveIt @ 2:35 PM
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