MyWorldAsIChoose2LiveIt

Splinting Sunday 12/11/05

Well Sunday is here and pretty much moving as slowly as possible. My week was hell and I was so glad when Friday came. Someone I had met over a week ago, called me this past Wednesday to have dinner at his place and I accepted. Funny thing was, I ended up staying over til 7am Thursday morning. We had a great night together, and drank some bottles of wine and ate a delicious pork tenderloin dinner. My nickname for him is "Clark Kent" and believe me..he is a SUPERMAN!! I am astonished how deep conversations we can have, how open he is about his life, and how gentle someone his size can be when needed. I am feeling like I am on cloud nine since Wednesday night and by Friday night, took the plunge to ask him to attend Christmas party with me this weekend (17th). We spent a lot of this week talking and friday night I went over there w/ 2 bottles of Sharaz & Michelob Amber Bock as well. We hung out for most of evening watching some Bloopers shows and American Pie Two. It is great how we really have a similar taste in comedy and we can laugh at the small things that don't matter. Just being around him make me feel good. He understands how I am still figuring out who I am and what direction I will take in all of this chaos in my life.
He was willing to help me move but I woke up way early Saturday morning and moved most of my things out at 9am. So by the time I was done bringing shit to my storage unit, he was just waking up. With Clark, it isn't all about the sex. We can be normal adults without all the sexual pressure, even though I think about it ALL the time with him. He is massive, more man than MATT or BEN could of ever been for me. He is strong physically and strong minded, not a really goal orientated but he is driven to live life, as I do. He is worldly and knows how to think straight. No drugs but loves a good bottle of wine at night. He loves to cook, he cooks dinner for me everytime i visit. He is handsome and damn...those eyes ~ Makes my heart melt everytime I look into them.

Well the whole day Saturday I spend moving LOTS of shit out of the house and David (from work) came by to help load items to go to new roommate's house for the move. We dropped off boxes of Christmas stuff, clothes, shoes, cd's/stand, all things I won't use until I'm moved into her place. I am relieved, things should be better for me over there. She needs the help and I am there as a good friend to do as I can to assist. Her daughter is happy with me moving in as well and that is a relief. After moving David & I went to Stools for drinks/dinner. We had a good time. Some of my g/f's showed up and Sean, also from NJ. Sean is sweet, has tatoos/piercing, skinny body and fairly quiet. Clark is the opposite..he is funny, slightly obnoxious and someone who likes to talk. He has a couple tats but no piercings. He actually thinks my piercings are pretty hot and my tongue ring...WELL I CAN WORK IT like no other!

So anyway, David & I hung out at Stools for a while, roomie stopped by for some dinner and Sara too. We hung out a bit, David left and I soon followed. I decided to stay down near David since NO ONE was going to be home at my place in Matthews so off I went..David's place is nice. He lives alone and keeps a clean condo. We hung out watching the Heisman Trophy Award Show and some Westpoint Movie afterward. I fell asleep in his lap and then we headed to bed. I never sleep as good as I do when I am over his place. His bed is so comfortable, warm and having a big man next to me, who can hold me in his arms for hours, helps I guess. We woke up this morning much more rested and I soon left to come back to Matthews to continue getting things together for move.
I have nothing but essentials now waiting to be moved and I am looking forward to be out of here by Wednesday after work. I am anxious to know how things are going to turn out for me, moving and with these men in my life. I am seeing a lot of men ( AND not sleeping with all of them either!!) and this is truly what I want to be doing right now. I never want to settle for 2nd best nor do I want to be in a relationship strictly based on SEX. I am going to keep a positive outlook on all things and keep myself protected when necessary.
FYI: I am sure getting a lot of shit from everyone lately and wondering when it will all end. My parents are pressuring me to visit for X-mas but that means more time off whatever job I have at end of month and etc.. Not really wanting to go back up there for the reason of my mom & I had a HUGE blow out on Thanksgiving night and she really didn't have many nice things to say to me. So I have def put some space in between our calls & how MUCH I tell her nowadays.

I been thinking a lot about Matt and I. He really has been on my mind lately and I do occasionally check his blogg for details on his life, but no calls or text messages. I sure do miss him and his warm embraces & soft kisses every night. He was someone very special to me and he really & truly broke my heart. I didn't care about his disease and possibility of catching it, he was the one I thought would be there for me, forever. Things just felt so right from the beginning and even in the end, when all was said & done, I would have been with him. Well...things happen for a reason and time will tell how my life will turn out. I always hope for the best and expect the worst..so WHATS NEXT for me?
Although I have close friends, why do I still feel so alone? This is going to be the first X-mas in 8 yrs I have not a husband or a special someone to share it with, kinda of depressing and lonesome for me, for once in my life. I guess this is what I am supposed to experience eventually in my life.

posted by MyLifeAsIChoose2LiveIt @ 7:35 PM