MyWorldAsIChoose2LiveIt

Manic Beginning

Well it was not the Holiday weekend I expected. I spent so much time in the airport, missing connecting flights to Atlantic City and Charlotte, due to delay with the plane I was arriving on, I was quite relieved when we finally landed 9pm Sunday night. Let me start by saying..DONT FLY DURING THE HOLIDAYS!! My luggage didn't make it on the plane with me heading to NJ, due to change of airports cause I missed the only flight out to Atlantic City Wed night; so I had to wait for a couple of days to get it delivered. LONG Story...
I arrived in Philly airport at 12:35am Thanksgiving morning, much later than expected and was met by my sister & her boyfriend, Greg.. With open arms and a familiar smile, I felt relieved to have them there to pick me up! Got into my house at 2:30am and sat up with mom for an hr. Went to bed and woke up around 10am to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV and prepare for the big day. We had family I haven't seen since 2001 come to house in Lakewood and share in the BIG feast for the day. We ate smoked turkey, ham, sweet potatoes, garlic mashed, greenbean casserole, biscuits/rye bread, carrots, stuffing, gravy..pretty much the usual "Northern" dinner. It was fabulous! The nicest part of that day was my niece, Anjaneya, she is almost 4 y/o and she is amazing. I was amazed by her beauty, intelligence, quirky personality and how cute she was. So smart and advanced for her age, it is unreal what comes out of her mouth at times. She as very clingy with me and wanted to play and sit next to me at all times. She made me feel soo good all day. We sat around watching football and sharing in exciting news and what has been going on in my life in Charlotte. We really didn't discuss my pending divorce or anything but kept things light and happy. It was relieving!
Well, we ate ourselves silly and then dessert begun...a couple hours later.. We had a bunch of different pies, cookies and brownies. Everything was absolutely delicious and we feasted again! So once everyone left around 10pm, we hung out with my sister, boyfriend and my niece.
After they went home, all hell broke loose!! My mother & I got into a HUGE bitchfest and it continued for 2 hours. I told her how I felt and how it is with me & her from now on. She kept bringing up shit from my past and putting me down and I wasn't tolerating it one bit. We screamed and argued and etc...mind you, it is still Thanksgiving Day!! She was soo rude and obnoxious, I was in awe with her behavior. I was trying to be calm and direct, she automatically flew off the handle. It was very frustrating for me to listen to someone I couldn't even believe was saying some pretty rude and insensitive things to me (to my face). But afterwards we went to bed and I slept a lot better since I did get a lot off my chest.
Friday was nice, mom & I hugged and "made up". Both parents went to work & I spent half the day alone at the house, waiting for my luggage to arrive, and then my sister & greg came by and we headed up to a mall I haven't been to in 7 yrs!! So we drove in traffic up to Woodbridge and walked the mall for a couple of hours. I splurged on Anjaneya as we walked around Disney store and I was elated by her excitement and happiness w/ me there. We drove back after a few hours and when I arrived back home, my luggage was waiting for me! It took over 48 hrs for it to arrive...weird & odd occurrence! So I unpacked a bit and made some leftovers from the day before and watched TV. Parents got home around 10 and we hung out talking for a while. Went to bed early cause I was still so tired from walking mall and staying up late the night before w/ mom fighting.
Saturday, I was woken up by Anjaneya when she came into house and was just so happy to be with me again. We spent most of the morning playing princess with her polly-pocket dolls and toys she has over Nana-Judy's. We finally had some breakfast and a tea party later that morning and then got dressed to go to another mall. I returned some clothes that didn't fit and I got her some more toys to play with. She was just such a beautiful and well behaved little girl! I was just happy to spend all the time with her. When we returned home, we relaxed and then got ready to go out for a nice Italian dinner with everyone (parents, sis, greg, neya) in a nearby town. It went well and I paid for the whole dinner since it didn't cost all that much. We ate lots of food and drank some good wine and talked and were just amused by Anjaneya. She is such a riot and I loved every minute we spent together. During dinner my sister & greg asked if I wanted to spend the night over their place and I agreed. It was time to spend alone with them, much needed since the fall out yrs ago with Ben (the ex). So that evening we watched some TV, drank hot tea, had pie, talked over a lot of things going on with me and working thru issue I have going on. I felt soo welcomed and was a great start to something wonderful, it has been a rough 5 yrs with Ben being such a racist and not accepting Greg but I love Greg & know he is part of our family now too. Though they aren't married, they have a very committed relationship and plans for marriage will be sooner than later.
When I woke up Sunday, my sister & I talked a lot and slowly got ready for the drive down to Atlantic City for my flight. We got all ready, she styled my hair and I looked gorgeous. She really has a way of making me feel pretty and she gave me a new hairstyle to do everyday that is simple and classy..more professional too. Anyway, it took over 9 1/2 hrs to get home and I was very happy when David picked me up and took me home from airport on Sunday night. He is such a great guy and someone I treasure in my life. He & I plan to spend a lot of time together in the near future.

Well Monday was same as always, dragging and boring as shit. Damn I really hate my freaking job and have now given notice of 2 weeks, that is when my contract runs out with them. I offered to stay longer if needed until they found a suitable replacement but if I get something in the meantime..I'm out of there as of the 12th. Things got dramatic at work in the afternoon. Dale (this "happy/gay") guy at work got word from someone (I think I know who) that his name has been brought up outside of work when we go to Stools' . Yes, I admitted it has and yes I admitted I said some things about him, but it was common knowledge and didn't think anything of it. Well, Dale flew off the handle and caused a big fuss and wanted to know what was said and etc..I wouldn't give that info up. Besides, it was done off hours off premises. No one does or says anything about him at work and it is better left unsaid. We were drinking heavily when these things were said, and to be honest, I am not sure exactly what was said but he should just come out and be honest that HE IS GAY. He acts so differently with other people at work and w/ the girls. It is unreal how he acts..never been around someone who was soo confused. But anyway he went straight to mgmt, and they called for a meeting on Tues am with people he heard had said something about him when we're out of work. Needless to say I was appalled he went this far and had felt he was being slandered. But anyways I went home after work and went over my g/f who is going thru the separation/divorce thing also. She found out on Thanksgiving she is PREGNANT and few weeks along. It is her ex's and he wants nothing to do with her. He is insistent on being with his ex-wife and the 2 kids they have together and her other 2 from her most recent marriage. Go figure!!! Once a cheater always a Cheater. Well we had dinner and talked a lot about her moving forward in life and whether to keep this baby..I am clueless. I dont think I would be able to have an abortion, I am pro-life; but I can understand why she would think about that as a choice. This baby wasn't planned but she honestly can't afford it w/ no one would help her either. I am actually debating moving in with her so I can help her out financially as well. She is very much struggling and needs someone to help out around the house and with her daughter. I wouldn't mind and feel very close with her through this yr. She has been a good friend w/ an open mind and heart for me.
So Tuesday comes around...Raining and cold..YUCK. Went to work and Dale has refused to even talk or look at me. The meeting this morning was a quick 2 min review of the harassment policy and that was it..Nothing major for anyone. I worked my ass off as usual and got a lot done in my mind. I am anxious to move onto a better position and more $$$. I deserve a lot more than I am making and feel I am not utilizing my experience wisely. I am basically a fugging data entry person who enters contracts all day, BORING and MORE BORING.
I love being so close to work, less than 5 min drive and it is awesome..No traffic. But the job sucks and I am not happy at all. I have begun to feel the ramifications of my decisions this yr and I am becoming more & more upset with myself. I have fallen into a pattern of having no nest egg financially and IT SUCKS. I am so broke and can barely pay all the rental bills. Guess this is the life lessons Matt wanted me to learn without him in my life..WOW how funny things happen in life. I struggle every month when it is that time to pay bills. I am just not making enough to cover my expenses, but lately I have had add'l ones that aren't re-occurring ones (ie: sc ticket, license fees) almost $350 right there is gone for no reason. I need to really create a budget for my bills, expenses, food, cell (which I will be switching in 2 weeks), so I can get a better grasp of what I need to put away. I wish I had been much more thrifty when I could of been. I am not asking parents for money, it isn't wise for me to do that nor responsible. I just hate this everyday slump. I haven't even gone grocery shopping for myself in over 2 months! I rarely eat breakfast or dinner. I use what food I have sparingly in the house & only buy as I need. I can't buy myself nice clothes for work, I cant buy shoes..NOTHING. I think when my parents ask what I want for Christmas, I will tell them money. It is something I can have for me and buy myself some nice things and use my $$ for bills and etc.
Well anyway I am on my way to get the rest of my X-mas stuff from my old house so I will catch you up tomorrow on any exciting news or events..

posted by MyLifeAsIChoose2LiveIt @ 1:09 PM