HUMP DAY IS HERE
It was a heck of a Tuesday, I was swimming in a desk filled w/ billing issues and contracts to pull for a project I need to work on, all of this due to the fact I was out sick on Monday. I was mentally drained by day's end but decided to go to Stool's Coop for 1 drink and ended up staying for over 4 hours! I sat w/ a few guys I have seen there on a few occasions & to say the least I was pretty intoxicated before leaving, good thing I live only 1 mile away! I consumed 1 marquirita, 5 shots of Buttery Nipple, 2 Bud Selects and I called it a night. I was fine until around 2 am this am when I was throwing up in bathroom..EWWW!Anyway, I have been feeling pretty positive about things in my life, (ie: having new friends, meeting a bunch of new people who I can always hang out with and that I am going home in a week to NJ for Thanksgiving (mom & dad bought me a plane ticket). The only problem I am dealing w/ daily is my Ex, he is being a real piece of shit. He is still not being responsible w/ bills & just hasn't a clue on how to be a grown up. He gets me so mad and I feel more & more resentful everytime we speak. He calls a lot (ok almost daily) just to see how I am doing, and to honest, I like HIM knowing I have moved on (without him), meeting people and focusing on what is going to make me happy. He hasn't figured out he needs to be responsible & live without the drugs. He now drinks daily (if he doesn't have pot) and it worries me, even though I shouldn't care, I do! But I guess this is part of his life he needs to go thru, but seems without me, he feels empty and hangs on any hope of me coming back, which I have made clear IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I spent 8 years worrying & babying him and making sure everything was "prepared" for him. I mean I did everything for this man and then if things weren't done the way he liked, he had a temper-tantrum. I felt more like a Mother than a wife! He is one and 1/2 yrs older than me but I always felt I was the mature adult. He couldn't do anything for himself and I guess it was easier doing everything for him. But more than ever, he is so unmotivated and has nothing going for him, a lot of that just from all the drugs he does & it is very frustrating.
Being on my own now for 3 1/2 months and out of the house for just about 8 months and I couldn't be happier with it! I am becoming more independent and learning how to do for myself. I have had some road-bumps along the way but I have overcome them and keeping on the right track.
I am really looking forward to my weekend. I have tickets to see COLD at Amos' Southend on Friday night and am going with David (from work). It should be a good show and I have been wanting to see them for a while! Then Saturday, I am going back up to G-town and spending rest of wknd w/ Tim. We plan to hang out with Jeff & Katie and make our hotel reservations for New Yrs weekend in Myrtle Beach. We will probably go out for dinner and drinks and watch college football at Ham's...it is fun there!
I want to open up & share so much with him, just letting him know about my past and go into this with a clear mind. I do have past issues I am still working through & feel it is only fair to him to know what he is getting into. I have a history of jumping in with both feet but this time, I refuse to do that. I don't want things to get all screwed up like they did with Matt and Ben. This ones feels different so I'm letting him take the lead on how he wants this relationship to go and I feel comfortable w/ whatever comes of it. I am feeling like he can be the one I can turn to & be comfortable opening up to him w/ all aspects of my life.
Although time will tell, as with everything in life. I am just hoping things work out for my job and keep getting better w/ Tim...
Well back to work...Talk to later..
posted by MyLifeAsIChoose2LiveIt @ 2:45 PM
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